You Can Never Go Back
by vickster51
Summary: Now they've crossed that line, it's time for Harvey and Donna to each decide where they go from here. My spin on where the story could go following 7.10's shock ending!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello Happy Harvey Fandom! I have to say, I'm still reeling from that finale. What an episode, never mind that ending. We got a very sexy moment and yet the angst will clearly flow from Donna's actions. I imagine we'll all be writing lots of lovely material over the next 4 months, but here's my first effort. It just came to me, so I thought I'd write it. I'm not sure yet how long it will be, but there's likely going too be more to come. Thanks as always for all your support (special mentions to Wafa, who encouraged me to try writing fanfic in July and Mary, who suggestion I picked for the title of this story and my latest one shot Don't Wait Any Longer)! Let me know what you think!**

 **...**

 **You Can Never Go Back**

 _Now they've crossed that line, it's time for Harvey and Donna to each decide where they go from here. My spin on where the story could go following 7.10's shock ending!_

….

 **Chapter One**

Donna took a large gulp of air, as she pushed through the doors of the building on to the street. She didn't have her bag or her keys, but she needed to breathe and the roof was too risky. Harvey may go there. _Harvey…_ Her heart was still racing.

 _\- Did I really just do that?!_

She took a few steps away from the building and closed her eyes, trying to steady the sheer force of emotion coursing through her body. She'd done it. Well, Mike did say to tell him how I feel. She imagined that might not have been quite what he'd meant, but in that moment she'd known what she had to do. There would never be the right time, or the right words. All there could be is uncertainty and heart-breaking regret, just as Louis was discovering for himself.

 _\- I had to know whether my feelings were real, whether I really did want something more from him._

She'd realised over the last few weeks that she'd spent so long burying the feelings she'd had for Harvey, that on having them resurface again, they felt oddly unfamiliar; as if they were not her own. She'd hoped it was nothing; all in her head, which would make it so much easier to move on. The truth, however, was now before her. No more running, no more pretending. She _was_ in love with Harvey Specter.

As she walked slowly away from the building, she knew she was putting physical distance between her and the man she'd walked away from, when emotional distance was impossible. He was all she could think about. It was then that the questions began to tumble through her head.

 _\- What is he thinking? Is he angry? Will he forgive me? Did he feel the same? Should I have stayed?_

She knew she'd taken a huge risk. As she'd said all those years ago to Rachel, you can never go back and she knew with absolute certainty that no matter what happened now, that fact was truer than ever before. Her choice that night, fuelled by Louis's heartfelt admission about his own life, had changed everything. All she could do now is try and breathe and start to consider her options.

For one of the only times she could remember since she first met him in that bar, she had no idea what Harvey was thinking or how he would respond. Therefore she needed to consider what paths she could take now. She needed to prepare herself for every eventuality.

The reality of her actions began to overwhelm her and she found herself desperately needing someone to talk to. Her rational mind warned her to keep their mutual friends out of this, but she needed a friend and there was only one person she could share this with, now that Louis had his own problems.

Rachel answered on the second ring.

"Hey Donna. Is everything alright?" Her voice was warm and reassuring and the knowledge that someone was there for her, brought Donna's emotions to the forefront, as she held back the tears. "Rach, can I come round? I…I need a friend right now."

Rachel leant forward on the sofa in her apartment, concern written on her face. Mike saw her expression change, from his position in the kitchen doorway and he gave her a questioning look. "Of course you can, but what's happened? You sound upset."

Donna paused. The magnitude of what she'd done still impossible for her to put in to words. "Is Mike there?" Rachel frowned and looked to Mike. "Yes…he's here." Mike raised an eyebrow at the apparent reference to him. _What is going on?_

"Tell him I took his advice….I'll find a cab and come over, if that's okay? I know it's late…Oh…..and you'll need to pay for the cab…"

Rachel was filled with unease, but tried to keep it from her voice. "Of course. See you soon."

Mike had moved to sit beside her on the couch, his face showing the same confusion and concern. "Rach…..What's going on? Is it Malik? Has he done something else?"

Rachel turned slightly to face him and met his gaze. "She said she took your advice…What advice Mike?"

Her fiancé went a little pale as his eyes widened in shock. "Oh God…..What did she say happened?"

"She didn't. She just said that she needed a friend, but she sounded upset. Mike…What advice?"

He sighed and bit his bottom lip. Had he really just initiated the launch of this particular emotional bomb?! "I told her to tell Harvey how she feels about him, before she lost the chance…"

Rachel gasped quietly. "So that means…..It can't be good if she's coming here can it?" Mike shook his head. "I don't know Rach…..I admit, I didn't think she was going to do it."

They looked at each other and Rachel swallowed. "They won't be able to go back from this."

…

The metal door to the roof opened with a painful scraping noise, as Harvey pushed through it on to the top of the building.

After standing, rooted to the spot in Donna's office, for what seemed to be hours, whether waiting for her to come back or not, he really wasn't sure, he'd needed air; he needed to breathe and the walls of the office had suddenly started to close in on him.

He walked out on to the rooftop, moving to stand by the ledge, resting both of his hands on the stone to steady himself while he took a deep breath.

 _\- What the hell just happened?!_

Jessica's disbarment had been all he could think about as he'd returned to the office that night, hoping Louis and Donna would still be there to help him work out what to do. There was always one fire to put out after another, but now he found himself dealing with a very different fire. As he stood staring out at the Manhattan skyline, all thoughts of Jessica had disappeared, as he was consumed by the conflicting emotions that burned within him.

 _\- Why the hell did you do that Donna?! Why?!_

He bowed his head and exhaled, fighting to regain control. He couldn't remember the last time that he felt so adrift; probably when Donna left him, he admitted to himself. It always came back to Donna.

The kiss was replaying in his head, over and over again. It was as if he was watching a scene from someone else's life. He closed his eyes, but that simply made it worse, as his mind focussed in on the memory of it; of Donna's lips against his, of her hand in his hair and the sensation of her fingers brushing against the side of his jawline.

 _\- God damn it!_

 _\- Why did this have to happen now?_

He paused at the thought. As stunned as he was by the night's turn of events, he began to realise it had been inevitable. They'd been circling this minefield for far too long; eventually one of them was going to step over the boundary and set off an explosion and the last few days had brought memories and emotions to the surface that he'd been trying to hide from for years. It seemed he wasn't the only one.

"God damn it Donna." He said the words aloud. There were very few times in his life when he'd been speechless, but standing in her office, staring in to her eyes, he'd had no words. He could barely move, let alone talk and she'd given him no time to recover. It was almost as if it had been another dream, but there was one huge difference; this time he hadn't woken up.

After thirteen years of knowing her, he would never have expected such a move from Donna. As confused as he was, he had to give her credit; that was bold. Bolder than he ever would have been, which only made him realise just how much of a coward he'd been in the past.

 _\- What about now? How do I feel now?_

Paula floated across his mind and he felt his stomach turn over. He'd cheated on her. Hadn't he? He could probably argue he'd been the unwitting participant; Donna had kissed him after all.

 _\- And what a kiss it was._

He shook the thought from his mind. Donna had kissed him, so technically he hadn't done anything wrong.

 _\- But you enjoyed it and you know it._

The statement was a fact he was unable to deny. He may have only had a split second to process what was happening, but he'd kissed her back and had she not pulled away, he couldn't be sure that he would have stopped it.

He leaned forward on the ledge, rubbing his forehead to try and ease the tension headache that was building behind his eyes.

 _\- How could she put me in this position?! Of all people?!_

The anger rose then. It had been bubbling up within him since she'd kissed him and the more jumbled his thoughts became, the stronger his anger. After all, being angry with Donna for complicating everything was much easier than facing why it was so complicated – why the guilt he felt for betraying Paula didn't feel as strong as he knew it should; why he was already starting to ache to feel Donna against him.

He loved Paula…..didn't he? Or was it still too soon for thoughts of love? Shouldn't he know that by now?

Closing his eyes, as if to see who he would think of first, Donna filled his head; the woman who'd just laid her cards on the table. She wouldn't make another move. He knew that. As angry as he was with her, he recognised the apology for what it was – an acknowledgment that she was sorry for putting him in the position he now found himself in.

It was now up to him to understand what he really wanted, _who_ he really wanted.

He'd never felt so confused or terrified in his life.

…

Rachel met Donna outside her apartment building and after taking one look at her shell-shocked expression and the unshed tears in her eyes she gave her a comforting hug. "It'll be alright." She had no idea if that was true, but it seemed to be the only comfort she could give at that moment.

"I'm okay Rach. I just need a few minutes," she murmured, as she followed her friend upstairs and in to the living room of her apartment, taking a seat on the couch, in the same spot she'd been in just a few days ago. "I would have gone home, but I left my bag in my office…..Hi Mike."

She wasn't even looking in his direction, as he stood just inside the kitchen, but she knew he was there. He gave her a sympathetic smile. She'd clearly declared and run, he thought. He dared not imagine what was going through Harvey's mind right now. For a moment, he considered leaving to seek his friend out, but it wasn't really how their friendship worked and he knew Harvey would not welcome the intrusion in to his personal life right now. He'd said as much outside the library before the mock trial was called off.

"I didn't know if I should open some wine or make some tea," Rachel replied. Donna smiled at the kindness of her best friend. "Tea sounds good. Thanks."

Mike waved his fiancé away, as he disappeared in to the kitchen to make the hot drinks and try and stay out of the way. He felt a little in the middle in this situation, even though he was horribly aware that he was partly responsible.

"Donna, what happened?" Rachel was sitting beside her friend and crooked her head to the side, resting it on her elbow against the sofa cushions. Mike could be heard busying himself in the kitchen, rattling the mugs as he placed them on the kitchen counter.

"I kissed him."

In the kitchen, the rattling stopped immediately, as Mike stilled at Donna's words. _Oh shit, that's huge!_ There was no point in him keeping out of the way now; Rachel would only tell him later anyway, so he wandered in to the living room with the mugs. He caught the look of shock on Rachel's face. This was not what either of them had expected to hear.

Rachel stared, her mouth agape. "You….kissed Harvey?"

Donna gave a quiet laugh. "Well, you didn't think I meant Louis did you?" Humour as a defence mechanism was always a great weapon to have in your armoury.

Mike sat down, cross-legged on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. He gave Donna a smile. "Bold choice." He'd always cared for Donna and he'd always been sure her and Harvey harboured stronger feelings for each other than either was willing to admit, maybe even to themselves. Hell, he made jokes about it to Harvey all the time, but he was only ever half joking.

Donna met his eyes and gave an embarrassed smile. "It was more of an impulse decision." Rachel shook her head, still clearly stunned. She had to admit, she was impressed; to do that must have taken her friend a lot of courage. Before she could ask further, Donna spoke again.

"It was because of Louis…..well you too Mike, but Louis was the trigger man."

She saw their confused expressions. "The funny thing is, he has no idea what he did…He's not in a great place right now, because he wishes he was with Sheila, but she's about to marry someone else. He said how he wished he'd told her that they were meant to be together; that she should be with him and not the man she says she loves…that they are soul mates…."

Mike glanced at Rachel and she gave a small nod. They could both see how the night had unfolded.

"He was in so much pain and yet, all I could hear when he was telling me, was that he was talking about me…and…Harvey. He came in to my office just after Louis had gone and…..and I kissed him."

Mike rested an elbow on the coffee table and put his hand to his chin, an eyebrow raised in expectation. "And…?"

Donna looked around the room and shrugged. "And nothing. I said I was sorry, that I just needed to know and then I left."

It was Rachel who beat Mike to the follow-up question. "You left? Just like that?! But what did he say?!"

Donna looked at her hands in her lap to avoid their expressions. "He didn't say anything, but I didn't really give him the chance, He looked rather stunned." She faced her two friends. "You think I was unfair to him, don't you?"

Rachel reached a hand to Donna's and squeezed it. "I wouldn't say unfair. Donna, you've just been through a hugely emotional experience and that combined with the impact of the words of others, was bound to have consequences. I just don't understand. Why kiss him and then not wait around to see what he'd say?"

Mike tilted his head to the side, considering Rachel's question. She was the romantic, but he was a realist and he was starting to understand Donna's decision, but to make sure, he asked his own question. "Why did you tell him you were sorry?"

Donna glanced at him and he saw the guilt cross her face, only confirming his assumptions. "Because…..he's…..." The sentence died on her lips, as she thought about her choice. She didn't regret it. She had to do it for her, but she knew the struggle Harvey would now have and that it was this struggle with his views on fidelity that may push him away from her, possibly never to return. _I'm sorry Harvey_ , she thought to herself.

"It was because he's seeing Paula wasn't it? Because technically he's now done something he has always been against; he's been unfaithful?" Donna simply nodded at Mike, who gave her a smile. "Technically Donna, if you kissed him, then he doesn't have anything to feel guilty about."

It was Rachel's intuitiveness this time that spotted the crux of the point. "Unless he does….?" She didn't need to finish the thought aloud. All three of them knew what she was meaning and Donna's conflicted expression said it all.

Mike considered the situation in front of them. He had his best friend, who he firmly believed loved Donna, starting a bizarre relationship out of the blue, with his former therapist of all people and then just when it seemed to be going well, he's confronted with his feelings he's tried to ignore about the person Mike truly believed he cared most about. Talk about bad timing. Whether or not his two good friends were meant to be together and Paula Agard was the odd one out, technically, right now, she wasn't. _God, Harvey will be a mess,_ he thought.

Rachel was about to comment that it was only one kiss, until she remembered Mike was in the room and she did not want the shadow Logan Sanders rearing its head tonight. "What do you think he'd have said if you'd stayed Donna?"

She sighed. "I don't know. It's one of the only times, I honestly don't know…..I didn't do it to ruin his relationship. It wasn't about him….It was about me." She looked towards Mike. "I told you that we didn't want to be together, but that wasn't the whole truth." She sipped her tea, giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts. "I thought I was sure that he didn't want to be with me. He's chosen someone else. But I realised that I didn't truly know how I felt, not just him, what I would want, if it were an option. I needed to know."

Mike nodded and replied quietly "So you can make peace with it and move on?"

His friend gave a small nod of her head and he felt sad for her. Maybe it wasn't Donna he should have spoken to. Maybe it was Harvey who needed a wake up call.

"What if he wants more Donna?" Rachel's phrasing made her smile. More. That word again. "I suppose my answer is the same as I told you once before Rachel…..I would want to try, but I think I need to face the truth."

Mike frowned. "And what's that?"

"That he may never forgive me for putting him in this position, regardless of how he may or may not feel."

Rachel squeezed her hand and glanced back towards Mike; a conversation passing between them without a single word being spoken – that there were stormy waters ahead and they were going to have to do everything they could to make sure they all came out of it in one piece.

…

 _That's all for now! Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

**It took me a little while to write this second chapter of my take on what could happen in 7B, as there are just so many possibilities! Is it January yet?! Thanks for all the positive feedback on chapter one. Do let me know what you think of this next instalment!**

 **...**

 **Chapter Two**

Harvey felt as if he were a burglar, creeping in to his own apartment that night. The lights were off and all was quiet. As he rounded the entryway in to the living area, his eyes went to the sliding doors separating it from his bedroom. They were open; his bed empty and he found himself breathing a sigh of relief. _Paula isn't here._ He never knew whether she'd be there since giving her his key, which he knew had been an impulsive decision, rather than a planned gift. _Another lie_ , his conscience needled him.

The lights in his apartment seemed too bright and intrusive when he switched them on, as if trying to force him to see the stark reality of his messed up world. He turned them off immediately and instead turned on the fire, not because he was cold, but so he could sit in the dark and let its warm glow calm him.

Gazing in to the flames, his mind flashed with images of auburn-flamed hair, as it brushed by his face earlier that night when she kissed him, or as it spread itself out on the pillows of her bed over a decade ago; the only time they'd let the fire between them take hold.

\- _God, damn it!_

The imagery was too much and he stood up, stalking over to the scotch and pouring himself a very generous glass. He considered calling Mike, but decided against it. It would only complicate matters further. The fewer people involved the better.

\- _The fewer people to tell you to face up to what a mess you are._

His conscience was driving him crazy and he reached for more scotch to drown it out. He picked up his phone, his finger hovering over Donna's name, half of him seething and aching to yell at her; the other half of him aching to simply see her….

\- _And touch her…..and…._

"Jesus Christ!"

He banged his glass down on the table so hard it shattered, cutting the palm of his hand. "Fuck," he hissed. A trip to the E.R was not something he wanted to add to his truly shit night. Wandering to the kitchen, he washed his hand under the tap, sucking in a breath at the sting, before cleaning it with the ointment in the first aid box under the sink. It had been a bizarre gift from Louis one year. Harvey remembered him banging on about the importance of such an item in the home. Finding a bandage too, he wrapped it around his palm a few times and exhaled. It didn't look that bad. He'd live.

The noise of his ringing phone cut through the silence and he froze, as if whoever was calling could also see the mess he was in. "Get a grip, you dick," he muttered. Picking up the phone, he groaned, but knew he had to take it.

"Louis."

"Harvey. I heard all of your messages. About Jessica! They can't disbar her! That's crazy! We need to call everyone, get everyone in and not stop working until we get out of this mess! I came to your office. I thought you'd be there. Where are you? Are you on your way in? Does Mike know? Where's Donna? Does she know yet?!"

"LOUIS! Enough!" The combination of Jessica, Donna, Paula, his hand, his impending hangover and now Louis's explosion of panic and questions was too much for Harvey. He wanted to yell at someone and Louis was as good a target as any.

There was silence on the other end of the line, before Louis's voice; quieter, but equally as miserable, could be heard. "We need to do something Harvey. This can't wait."

He sighed. "I know Louis, but let's keep it as just you and me right now, okay? Where are you?"

Louis cleared his throat, sounding more than a little uncomfortable. "Just getting in to the elevator of your building." Harvey nodded. At least this meant he didn't have to leave tonight. All his problems could swirl around him in the comfort of his own surroundings. _What a goddamn mess._

He heard the knock at the door a few moments later and moved to let Louis inside. His fellow named partner looked shell-shocked and red in the face with anger. "We need to get this son of a bitch Harvey. Don't we have anything on him? First he cheapens Donna and now he's hurting Jessica!"

Even the sound of Donna's name was too much for Harvey and he downed the rest of his scotch. "Have a drink Louis," he said simply, wandering across to the trolley and pouring him a glass and another for himself. Louis frowned. Harvey was quite clearly already a little drunk and very angry, but was this just because of Jessica?

Louis followed and took the drink without argument. "Jessica wants us to buy her out. Take her name off the wall."

Louis's eyes went wide at the news. P.S.L without Jessica Pearson was unimaginable. "She said that?!" Harvey nodded, sipping his drink. "Yeah Louis, that's what she said. Right there actually."

"She was here?" Louis looked sad and Harvey sighed at the idea that Louis was a little hurt she'd gone to Harvey on his own. "Is there any way around this Harvey?" He knew there wasn't, but he had to voice the question aloud.

"I don't think so. Malik already made the call. It's done." He longed to have Malik in front of him. He was more than ready for a fight. Louis's shoulders sagged and he slumped down on Harvey's couch. Harvey knew that feeling, but instead took the chair opposite him, leaning forward a little. "We need to come up with a plan to sell this Louis, otherwise the vultures will start circling again."

Louis nodded and suddenly noticed Harvey's bandaged hand and the shattered glass on the table. "Harvey, what did you do to your hand?! It might need stitches!"

"It's fine Louis," he said tiredly. He didn't admit to him that the pain was quite a pleasant feeling at the moment. Louis's brow furrowed in concern. "I should call Donna. Get her to talk some sense in to you about having someone look at it."

Harvey closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. "Why the hell does everyone always think I need Donna?! For everything?!" His tone was angry and frustrated and Louis knew immediately that there was more going on than just Jessica. "Harvey, if you feel guilty about what Malik did to her in court, we couldn't have predicted that."

 _If only this was just about the damn case_ , he thought to himself. "It's not that Louis, well maybe it was earlier, but…never mind." His friend frowned. "Did something happen tonight? With Donna? She seemed sad when I saw her, but I was too busy pouring out my own mess to give it much thought."

Harvey looked up at Louis. He'd been trying to work out all night if there'd been a trigger for this mess and he found it darkly ridiculous that it could have been something to do with Louis of all people. "Did she say anything to you Louis?"

He could see the confusion, mixed with curiosity in Louis's face, but to his credit, he didn't ask. "No. I talked at her. I think you could call it an emotional hit and run."

Harvey sat back in his chair and put a hand over his eyes, rubbing his forehead, while letting out an ironic laugh. _An emotional hit and run. I could not have put that better myself. Jesus._

"Harvey…..if you want to talk…" He cut Louis off before he could finish his sentence. "I don't Louis, but thanks. We have bigger problems to solve tonight."

Louis nodded and sipped his drink, wondering whether there'd ever be a time, when they could simply get on with their lives without a huge crisis.

…

Donna closed the door to her apartment and leaned back against it. She was exhausted. On leaving Mike and Rachel's, she'd taken a risk and returned to the office for her bag. It was late, even by Harvey's standards and she was relieved to see he wasn't there. Standing in her office, in the exact spot she had been in a few hours ago when she'd kissed him, made her a little unsteady, but what was done was done.

For a moment, she expected him to suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Closing her eyes, she took a breath, as the memory of his lips against hers hit her; so real she could almost believe he really was there. She'd felt something in that moment; it hadn't been much, but there had been the slightest pressure against her lips, as he'd shifted ever so slightly forwards towards her. Towards them. Had she persisted, would it have gone further? Maybe.

She'd had to stop it. He was with Paula and she couldn't let him do anything that could cause him to hate her. Maybe she'd already done enough to cause that? The thought of Harvey hating her almost made her crumble, but she steadied herself, kicking off her shoes and taking off her dress, as she made her way towards her bathroom. Turning on the shower, she stepped under the water and let its warmth wash away the knots in her back, if not the guilt that was continuing to build within her.

\- _Will he tell Paula? Does he really love her?_

The potential answer to the second question terrified her. By kissing him she'd answered her own question about herself. She couldn't hide from her feelings any longer. They were real and overwhelmingly strong.

\- _I'm in love with Harvey._

The truth ran over and over in her mind and she let herself feel the pain she'd been trying to ignore over the last couple of months. She let her tears mingle with the water, as she closed her eyes. _What do I do now?_

She was wrapping her robe around her waist, when her phone buzzed with a message. She picked it up tentatively, almost ignoring it altogether, but it wasn't Harvey and she smiled, seeing Rachel's name – _I'm sure it'll all be okay._ Donna sighed and crawled in to bed. She wished she had Rachel's optimism.

…

As she stepped out of the elevators the next morning, she took a deep breath; ready to go in to battle. Being the supportive friend that she always was, Rachel was waiting for her by the reception desk; her emotional escort to her office.

She smiled warmly at Donna, which put her more at ease. "You look fantastic, but I'm sure you already know that," she murmured as they walked in to her friend's office.

Donna placed her bag on her desk and smiled. "I'll be fine Rach. Don't worry about me."

Before Rachel could respond, Louis appeared in the doorway and she noticed Mike walking past her door towards Harvey's office. "What's wrong Louis?" She knew something had happened from the look on his face.

"We need you both next door," he replied. She nodded and caught Rachel's eye, as they both moved to follow him. _In to the lion's den_ , she thought.

Harvey and Mike were already seated around his coffee table and they joined them, Donna putting as much physical distance between her and Harvey as possible. She chanced a glance at him, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. He looked tired, darker circles under his eyes than usual, as he addressed the group.

"Malik had Jessica disbarred in New York."

Mike reacted first, erupting in anger and Donna sensed, guilt. He had brought the Malik case on to Harvey's radar after all and there was only one reason Malik would have been able to disbar Jessica. "What the hell?! That son of a bitch! We need to do something to stop it!"

Louis beat Harvey to the punch. "We can't. It's done."

"Are you kidding me Louis?! What the…" Louis cut him off, irritation in his voice at any suggestion that he wasn't doing enough for his friend. "Harvey and I have been up all night. We've looked at every angle, every possibility and there is no way around it. He's the AG. He has power and he used it to spite us. It's already done."

Donna remained silent, her head spinning with the latest crisis to hit their lives. Would it ever stop? She remembered Harvey had been about to say something to her before she acted last night. Now she knew what it had been and she felt a further twinge of guilt for adding to his confusion. She knew she should speak. She was COO now after all.

"I take it Jessica knows?"

Harvey responded, addressing the room as a whole; still refusing to look at her directly. "She knows. She came to see me last night. She doesn't want to fight it. Said it's time her name comes off the wall."

His voice was low and filled with weary resignation. If he was giving in so easily, Donna knew Jessica must have been quite clear about her position. _What a mess this all is_ , she thought. It was in that moment she noticed Harvey's bandaged hand and her eyes widened in shock and concern. _What the hell did he do?_ Images of him putting his fist through a window or smashing a glass came to her mind and her stomach twisted at the thought that she was likely partly the cause.

Her eyes glanced upwards, away from his hand and met his eyes, as if he'd sensed her scrutiny. He held her gaze for a moment and she saw so many emotions pass across his face; confusion, pain, anger, frustration and perhaps something else she didn't dare hope for. It was all just too damn complicated. Perhaps it always would be.

"So, what do we need to do?" Rachel was the one to bring them both back to the present crisis.

"Louis and I have agreed buy-out terms for Jessica, which we will be putting to her this morning. We still need to firm up a message to circulate externally, both to clients and more widely. Donna, Louis will need your help crafting something."

She nodded. "Of course. Louis, I'll clear my schedule." She tried not to think too much about his delegation of the task to the two of them. She couldn't help thinking that he'd have been working with her on their response had last night ended differently. _No regrets_ , she reminded herself.

"No matter how we spin this Harvey, there's going to be blowback."

Harvey nodded at Mike's words, hardening his posture, as if already preparing for an imminent assault. "And we need to be ready for it."

…

Mike stayed behind in Harvey's office once the meeting ended, while Louis and Donna disappeared in to her office to agree on the firm's public release and client bulletin.

"I'm sorry Harvey. I should never have put Malik on your radar. This would never have happened."

Harvey shook his head and shrugged, as he took his seat behind his desk. "It is what it is Mike. Jessica is, surprisingly, fine with it, more so than I am. Plus, there will always be something that puts a target on our backs. People always want to bring down those they see as a threat.

Mike considered raising the Donna situation, but decided against it. Now was not the time. He hesitated a moment longer and then turned to leave. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

…

The day passed quickly. Jessica did not wish to drag out the separation of herself from her former firm any longer than necessary, recognising the need for all of them to move forward and by the end of the afternoon, her exit package was agreed and the exit agreement executed. It was done. Pearson Specter Litt had passed in to history.

As the email containing her counter-signed copy pinged in to Harvey's inbox, he sighed. This was never how he imagined his mentor and friend would bow out and it certainly was not what she deserved. He opened the email.

 _No regrets. Time to move forward._

 _Jessica_

He poured himself a scotch and knocked it back in one go. He hated this situation and on top of that, he hated that the only person he wanted to talk to about it, was the one person he couldn't be around right now. He stood up and crossed his office, aware he needed to go next door and inform Donna and Louis the deal was done and the release they'd agreed on was good to go.

As he moved towards the door, his eyes glanced at the picture hanging there; that had replaced the one so dear to him. He stood staring at it for a few moments and the anger at Donna started to rise again.

\- _I never wanted to be like her. How could she, of all people, put me in this position?_

It felt like a betrayal of the trust he'd built with her over so many years.

He needed to leave, as fast as possible. Striding out of his office, he stood just within the walls of Donna's office, watching her and Louis deep in discussion at her table. "She signed. It's done. The releases should go out tomorrow morning. If you want to call any clients personally Louis, I suggest you do it tonight."

Louis nodded and headed to the door to get the ball rolling. Harvey turned away and took a step out of the office. He couldn't be here a moment longer, otherwise he knew he'd lose it.

Donna took in his posture and the tone of his voice and knew he was not in a great place, but this couldn't go on. Something had to give. "Harvey…."

"I need to leave."

His response was distant, detached and lacking any emotion; a controlled mask. He didn't look back at her, simply walking away towards the elevators.

…

Donna sat at her desk for a few moments, torn about what she should do. Leaving him to calm down and cool off was perhaps the wisest choice, but she knew he'd just put up a greater wall between them. She realised she should have had the courage to stay last night; to finish what she'd started.

Taking a breath, she stood up and headed to the elevator and caught one just on its way down. Stepping out, she caught Harvey's figure turning the corner in to the main lobby and increasing her pace, she was able to close the gap between them.

"Harvey. Stop."

Her voice was firm, more confident than she felt. He seemed to ignore her at first and so she followed him. "You need to stop running away from this Harvey."

He spun around at that, the anger flaring in his brown eyes, as he moved back towards her. " _ME_ running away?! Seriously Donna?! You dare say that to me after what _YOU_ did last night?!"

His voice was raised and he jabbed his finger in the air at her accusingly, as he spoke. His tone stung her, but she stepped towards him, head high. "Would you be talking about me walking away last night, or what happened before that?"

Her calmness unnerved him a little. _How the hell was she so in control when he was a total mess?!_ "Oh, hell, I don't know. How about _BOTH_?! What the HELL were you thinking?!"

Donna stood her ground. She'd expected this response; had dreaded it, but expected it nonetheless. "I told you Harvey. I had to know."

" _KNOW_?! Know what?! You're going to have to be more specific!" His voice was still loud, but was more controlled now, although she could sense the bubbling anger, just underneath his skin.

"I needed to know how I felt. About you Harvey. One way or another. Once and for all. No more pretence. Everyone else seems to have an opinion on my damn feelings, so it was time I did too."

He stared at her, shocked by her bluntness. "Why now? After all these years? For Christ sake Donna, I'm seeing someone! How could you put me in this position? How the hell do you think that makes me feel?!"

Donna gave an exasperated sigh and waved her hands out in between them. "I wasn't thinking about you Harvey! For perhaps the first time in 13 years, I put _myself_ and _my needs_ above yours! I needed to know, so I could face it and try to move forward; to wherever and whatever that may be. With or without you…."

 _With or without you…._

The words hit Harvey as if he'd been punched. She was going to leave him. She saw the fear flash across his face and she sighed, swallowing the lump building in her throat. She would not cry in front of him.

"As for why now Harvey? Why not now? It would always be the wrong time to voice whatever it is that exists between us. There's always some crisis that needs attending to. I'd had enough. Enough of people telling me how I feel and what I should do, or hearing people tell me that I could wake up in ten, twenty years and regret that I did nothing about it. I can't live with those types of regrets."

His anger was slipping away, as she stood before him, never more open and honest than she was in that moment. Her voice was quieter as she spoke again. "I once told you that I wasn't going to apologise for who I am and I still won't. I don't regret kissing you Harvey. But I am sorry for the position you think I've now put you in. I do apologise for that."

Her voice was sincere and her eyes had lost the edge of anger he'd seen there initially. She took a breath, looking away briefly. Harvey stood still, his emotions running around his head. He thought about the picture on his office wall, of his mother and all the pain her lies and deceit had caused. Had she felt this guilty, he wondered. Hell, she did a lot worse.

Donna's voice broke through his thoughts, as if reading his mind. "You are not your mother Harvey." The sentence hit him hard and he took a step backwards. "Don't Donna."

"Harvey….." She took another step towards him and he put out his hand to stop her moving any nearer to him. He could not have her any closer to him, not now. "Please don't. I can't talk about this. Not with you. Not now."

He saw the hurt in her eyes, but he couldn't take it back when it was the truth, although seeing it in front of him was too much to bear. He had no other choice. He turned on his heel, through the revolving doors and strode out in to the cool night air.

Donna stood there for a while, a single tear slipping down her face, as she waited, seemingly in vain, for the world to make sense again.

…

 _Until Chapter Three, thanks for reading. Do let me know what you think!_


	3. Chapter 3

**So, I've been struggling with this story, as I have so many different ideas as to where this could go. As it's been a while since my last update, although this chapter is shorter than previous ones, I thought I'd post it. Hopefully you enjoy it. I'd love to hear what you think in the review. Thanks again.**

 **...**

 **Chapter Three**

Donna sighed heavily as Harvey climbed in to the back of his car and was gone. She knew the comment about his mother was dangerous, but she was tired of treading lightly all the damn time. Enough was enough. She swallowed; refusing to let the tears she wanted to cry free.

"I'd ask if you were alright, but I know that would be a stupid question."

She turned around to find Louis standing awkwardly in the lobby, shifting his weight from foot to foot, a concerned look on his face.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough."

Donna shook her head and laughed wearily. "Everything's such a damn mess Louis and I've just made it worse."

He frowned and stepped towards her, a friendly hand on her arm. "How? By being honest? By not living with regrets?" He sighed then. "He'll come around."

"What makes you so sure?"

He looked at his friend, at the pain and tiredness in her eyes and wanted to shake Harvey. "Because he loves you. The two of you are the only ones who don't see it." He hesitated before asking if she wanted to have a late dinner somewhere.

"Thank you for the offer Louis, but I think I just want to go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

She headed away, back towards the elevators to retrieve her belongings from upstairs. Louis sighed and turned to go home. _Harvey Specter, you're such a fool_ , he thought to himself.

…

Harvey wasn't lucky two nights in a row, arriving home to find Paula reading a book on his couch. Yet again, he found himself regretting the rash decision to give her that key. What the hell had he been trying to prove to himself by doing that?!

She looked up as he entered the apartment and smiled. "You're later than I expected Harvey. Is everything alright?"

He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry and sank down in to one of the two chairs across from the sofa. His choice to sit apart from her caused Paula to frown. "Harvey…..what is it?"

He met her gaze and felt the conflict raging in his head.

\- _She deserves the truth. I should tell her about the kiss. It's the decent thing to do._

"Jessica has been disbarred. We've been trying to find a way to sell her leaving the firm without it ruining us." _It is the truth_ , he thought, just not the whole truth. God, he hated himself.

\- _What a coward._

Paula moved from her seat and put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry Harvey. That must be difficult for you. Can I do anything to help?" She suddenly noticed his still bandaged hand and reached for him. "What did you do to your hand?!"

He met her concerned face and felt disgusted with himself, as he rose from the chair. "It's nothing. Just an accident. It's fine Paula. Thanks. I'm going to take a shower and try to get some sleep."

A shower was about right. He felt the need to wash the guilt off himself, even though he knew it was ludicrous. As the water ran down his back, he rested his head against the glass. The awareness that Donna had caused this; that she'd helped to make him feel this way, caused his anger and disappointment in her, as well as himself, to burn afresh and no amount of water was going to put out the fire.

…

Harvey was early the next morning. It was unnatural to be up this early and out of character for him. He could kid himself that it was because he was busy, but he was trying to avoid seeing Donna and he knew it. If he was in before her, he could avoid seeing her.

\- _Hiding in your office? Pathetic._

His mind was right, but he pushed its taunts down, as he walked through reception to his office.

It seemed he wasn't the only one to have this idea. Donna was already behind her desk, concentration focussed on the documents before her, hair falling across her face.

\- _Shit. Now what?_

He increased his pace, eyes focussed straight ahead, but the pull of her was too strong and he found his head turning to look, only to meet her stare. Her expression was unreadable. He looked away and disappeared in to his office, closing the door loudly behind him.

Donna sighed. She should have known this would not be easy. After all, she'd been a constant in his life for years, dependable and loyal. What she'd done two nights ago had thrown reliability out of the window.

She wrestled with getting up and going next door. She'd heard the loud door closing, no easy task to pull off with these glass doors! The message had been received – stay away from me. She just didn't think that was the solution, plus, she was willing to admit, that she felt a little guilty. Knowing she had a meeting to prepare for, she left him be.

Harvey found himself on edge, waiting for her to appear at any moment. Having Donna next door and giving Paula his key, meant that it felt as though he was unable to escape either of them.

…

The day passed in to the afternoon and he was able to avoid the walk past her office no longer.

\- _Get a grip_ , he chastised himself.

Donna's door was open and he could see her inside out of the corner of his eye as he walked by.

"Are you going to avoid me forever Harvey?"

Her voice caught him off guard and he froze. Glancing through her door, he met her even stare and swallowed. She seemed so perfectly calm and it irritated him; that she was fine when his life was now a mess. Because of her. He felt his anger resurfacing as he moved in to her doorway.

"I am not avoiding anything. I just have nothing to say." His tone was even, which he was rather proud of. She shook her head. "I guess some things never change."

It was the equivalent of taking a cork from a bottle or lighting a match. "What the _HELL_ does that mean?!" He stalked in to her office, the door swinging closed behind him.

Donna stood up, but remained behind her desk, hands flat against its surface. "You know what it means Harvey."

He threw his hands in the air in exasperation and frustration. "Jesus! I've had enough of the vague statements! When did you stop saying what you mean Donna and start talking in code?!"

His voice was loud and she folded her arms. "I told you last night why I kissed you Harvey. As for nothing ever changes? You having nothing to say when it comes to us and whatever has always been between us. You never have anything to say!"

The fact she wasn't shouting annoyed Harvey more. He craved a true argument now, to release all of the emotions circulating in his head.

"Oh, so now this is all _MY FAULT_ is it? _YOU_ have _NONE_ of the blame? That it? It's been 13 years of everything being my god damn fault?!"

"That isn't what I meant and you know it!" Donna repeated over and over in her head to keep her cool. If she blew up, then this would escalate immediately.

Harvey laughed unpleasantly, running a hand through his hair. "Do you know what _REALLY_ pisses me off Donna? You're so keen to blame me, when it was _YOUR_ _DAMN RULE_ in the first place!"

She went to interrupt, but he continued. "Although, you've now proved more than once that you'll let that rule slide when its suits you!" His jaw was set in the way it always was when he was angry and unable to throw a punch.

"I don't want to fight with you Harvey." It was the truth, although it now seemed unavoidable. She started to wonder if all they would ever do was fight now.

" _NO?! WELL, I DO!_ You can't just do this and expect no consequences. You made me in to one of those people who cheats on someone! And now I'm lying to her and _I HATE_ it! _I HATE_ myself! _I HA_ ….."

He stopped himself, but the damage was already clear, as Donna's eyes narrowed; anger and hurt duelling for position. She stalked around her desk until she was facing him. They were in the exact position that they had been in that night; an irony not lost on Harvey.

"What Harvey? You what? You hate me?!"

Her voice cracked as the cruel word left her mouth and she swallowed, regaining control again. "I told you why I did it. I apologised for what I am sorry for. If you don't know how you feel about any of it, then that's your problem. I'm not solving it for you."

Her eyes were fixed on his. Words failed him and he had no idea what to do, so he took the easy option; turning and walking away, as fast as he possibly could.

Donna closed her eyes, facing the likelihood that things between them were only going to get worse.

…

There was only one way to improve Donna's day and that was a drink, or rather, a few drinks. Thankfully, her best friend was more than keen to catch up that night, all too aware of the ever-darkening atmosphere at the managing partner's end of the 50th floor.

As they settled in to their seats in one of their favourite bars that night, Rachel gave Donna her most sympathetic smile. "How bad is it between you?"

Donna sighed. "It's not good and I suspect it will only get worse."

"You might be worrying too much. Maybe he just needs some more time to process what happened."

Donna loved Rachel's ability to look on the bright side of life. "I'm not sure time will solve this. He's so angry Rach. I'm not surprised. I can understand anger, to a point. It's the cruelness that's hard to take."

Rachel frowned. She had only ever been on the side lines of Donna and Harvey's unique relationship, but she found it hard to imagine Harvey being truly awful to her friend. It had been obvious to her for some time now that he clearly loved her, whether he was ready to see it, or not.

"He almost told me that he hated me today," Donna murmured quietly, seemingly in awe at the reality of what she had just admitted. Rachel squeezed her hand gently. "Almost? So he stopped himself. He could never hate you Donna. Surely you know that?"

Her friend shook her head and looked away, the emotion of the conversation getting too much for her. "I don't know anymore Rachel. I think he'd find it easier to hate me, than to ask himself if he's ever loved me."

Rachel's heart broke a little for her. How on earth were two people so clearly right for each other, so lost? She found it so frustrating. Mike had talked to Donna, so maybe it was time someone talked to Harvey. "It'll work out Donna. I'm sure of it, but you need to think about yourself right now. Let Harvey think things through. You told me once that things would work out how they're supposed to. Don't you believe that's true?"

Donna looked up at her and gave her a sad smile. "Maybe. I just don't know where that will leave us Rach, that's all."

…

Harvey didn't return to the office that day. He ventured outside for a brisk walk to try and calm down, before going straight to his next client meeting, after which he headed home, slamming the apartment door aggressively behind him.

He changed quickly from his suit in to his running gear, the crisp collar of his white shirt feeling tight against his throat. He stepped out in to the evening air and started to run, steadily at first, until his pace increased faster and faster. He had no destination in mind, he just needed to keep moving, the ground under his feet carrying him deeper and deeper in to the city, towards Central Park and then through the wooded depths of Manhattan's oasis. He knew trying to escape the confusion of the emotions he was feeling was useless, but he kept going, running further than he'd run in years, until his legs ached and his throat was desperate for water.

He drew up on the path, bending over, hands on his knees, drawing in short breaths. He stayed in that position for a few minutes, gulping in the air, as his mind replayed his argument with Donna; him almost telling her he hated her. Yet, what frightened him more was that she seemed able to believe he could. Closing his eyes, he tried to calm himself, standing up straight, before wandering to one of the park's vendors to buy a bottle of water and swallowing it down.

It was still relatively early in the evening and he observed the people around him; other runners, people walking their, or other people's, dogs and families enjoying the tranquil surroundings of the park; mothers and fathers playing with their children, while a young couple took a walk hand in hand. They looked happy, Harvey thought, as a sadness washed over him.

He should be happy. He was with a smart, kind woman, who cared about him and who he felt a great deal for. Yet, he wasn't happy and seeing the world moving along around him, for all these strangers, only seemed to emphasise the sad truth of it. _Why aren't I happy?_

The irony wasn't lost on him that in the past, whenever he'd needed help navigating his emotional life, it had been Donna who had ben there, mostly without him not even having to ask; helping him to understand his feelings and learn from them. It was only now, when the emotions he needed to face concerned her, that he found himself untethered, without his touchstone. She'd said it herself that afternoon; she wasn't going to help him understand his feelings this time. It was up to him and he had never been quite so terrified, as all of the varying emotions he currently felt towards her and Paula swirled around him.

…

Later that evening, after he'd showered and changed following his run, Harvey found himself knocking on Paula's door. He hadn't planned to go there, but the need for stability had overtaken everything else and right now, Paula gave him that stability.

She seemed surprised to see him when she opened the door, but her smile calmed him. The conflict was still raging within him as to what to tell her. She deserved the truth; he knew that. She had been treated badly in the past and she deserved better, but selfishly, he found himself simply needing the calmness she seemed to bring to him.

He let her talk about her day and a call she'd had with her brother about going to visit him back in England, the sound of her voice washing over him.

"Harvey, are you even listening to me?"

He shook himself from his thoughts and gave her his full attention. "Yes, sorry. I am. I'm just tired."

She smiled and moved to his side, where he stood against the entrance to her kitchen, running a hand down his arm. "I know it hasn't been easy for you the last few days Harvey. What's happening with Jessica?"

He looked down at her. "It's done. She's out. We made sure she got a deal worthy of her. There's no more Pearson Specter Litt." Paula fixed her gaze on him, her head tilting to the side slightly. He could feel her mind working.

"Is there anything else Harvey? I know how much Jessica meant to you, but is there something else worrying you?" He found himself not wanting to meet her eyes and walked further in to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of wine.

"What do you mean?" His voice was hesitant and strained and he was sure Paula could sense it. She had once been paid to read his emotions for god's sake and the reality of this fact made him feel slightly sick, as he swallowed down the wine.

She appeared next to him. "You just seem distracted Harvey. You seem unhappy. Is it me?"

He shook his head vehemently. "No…..No Paula. It's not you." He closed his eyes, trying to hide from his guilt somehow. "I'm sorry. I want to be here. You were saying about your brother… Tell me. I'm listening, I promise."

She continued to stare at him, a slight frown on her face, but after a few moments she seemed to let go of her questions and just nodded, reaching for her own glass of wine, before going on with her earlier conversation. For the first time since they had started seeing each other, Harvey considered whether they were both lying to themselves, but for that night at least, he was okay with that.

…

 _That's all for now. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think so far!_


	4. Chapter 4

**It's almost the weekend and to celebrate that fact, I've managed to type up this next chapter of You Can Never Go Back. It covers a scene that I've already written once in Love & War, but events of 7.10 mean that this is slightly different in approach. Reading what you think really does keep me going, especially when I get writer's block, so do let me know what you think! And big thanks to Mary, with whom many chats now mean I have a good plan to get from here to my endgame for season 7!**

 **...**

 **Chapter Four**

Donna's vibrant hair was splayed across his chest as he opened his eyes; her hand flat against his stomach as she slept. She looked so beautiful, he could barely breathe. His movements stirred her and she raised her head to meet his sleepy gaze, flashing him a wide smile that he returned on reflex.

He ran a hand through her hair, taking in the sight of her, before kissing her softly. The fear gripped him then and he couldn't help but voice his worry. "I'm scared I'm going to screw this up." Her head tilted in concentration, but she said nothing. "I'd lose you and it scares me to death. What if I mess it up Donna?"

"Then I'll leave you."

Her words were matter of fact; her face remaining neutral and he felt the terror grip him. _I'd lose her._ He reached for her, but she moved away from his reach, a frown forming on her face.

Harvey bolted upright in bed, taking a few seconds to realise where he was. Donna wasn't there, which in that moment brought both relief and sadness. It was Paula who was there, now sitting up next to him in her bed.

"Harvey? What is it?"

He felt sick. He also couldn't bring himself to look at Paula, as the guilt washed over him again. Coming to her last night had been selfish and now his subconscious was punishing him. Checking the clock, he saw it was almost time to get up anyway and so moved from the bed.

"It's nothing. I should get going." He moved across the room, still unable to meet her gaze.

"Harvey. We need to talk about this." Her voice was firm, but with an underlying nervousness.

"I can't talk right now. I need to get to the office." With that, he closed the bathroom door, placing its firm, solid structure between himself and his problems.

\- _God damn it Donna._

It seemed he couldn't even hide from her in his sleep.

…

Rachel was retrieving her papers from the living room table the following morning. "We need to do something about this Mike. You didn't see her last night. She was so upset."

Mike looked up from his morning cup of coffee. "What do you suggest? They are both so damn stubborn as it is. I'm not sure we can do anything."

She turned around to face him. "Why did you talk to Donna and not Harvey in the first place? He's the one who clearly needs someone to tell him to open his eyes!"

Mike huffed. He thought he'd been helping by encouraging Donna to open up, but Harvey was a different story. "He'd never let me get the words out. You think I have never raised their bizarre relationship with him? I have! But as a joke. It's the only way he'll hear it."

Rachel frowned and sighed. "Mike, I think the time for games is over. Otherwise, our wedding will include a best man and a maid of honour who refuse to have anything to do with one another!"

He put his cup down and looked at her, a serious look on his face. "I return to my original question. What do you suggest?" She sighed. The answer to that was something she needed to work on.

…

The atmosphere between the two offices on the 50th floor only grew worse over the next few days. Harvey suddenly seemed tied up at client meetings away from the firm; the justification he gave to anyone who asked, was that he was giving the personal touch to clients following the gossip swirling around Jessica leaving the firm. Truthfully, he could have done them in the office; hell some clients would have been satisfied with a call and some tickets to the Nets, but the less time he spent a few feet away from Donna, the better.

His most recent dream still haunted him. He had to be certain about his feelings before risking anything; before risking her and he wasn't certain of anything. Not after that kiss turned everything upside down.

Having something more with Donna had been taken off the table years ago, so the idea that suddenly it wasn't, or that perhaps it had always been an option, had he had the balls to try, threw him completely and the first emotion he seemed to have when he saw her was frustration, which seemed to turn to anger without him meaning it to.

He was now sitting in his office for the first time in what felt like days, staring intently at the photo of his mother across the room. She'd lied to save her ass and look how many people she'd hurt. Maybe he wasn't completely like her, but life suddenly didn't seem quite so black and white in the infidelity stakes and that angered him too.

He heard her voice in the corridor before he saw her, the formal English accent seeming out of place in the corridors of Specter/Litt. "I'm very grateful Louis. It's a relief to finally put it behind me."

"Of course. It's all taken care of." He'd remembered Louis saying something about a follow-up meeting with Paula before he closed her file, but he'd assumed it had happened already.

The thought of Paula coming in to contact with Donna made him feel ill and he found himself bounding up, out of his chair and dashing out of his office, to find Louis and Paula walking up the corridor, level at that moment with Donna's office.

\- _Shit._

He should have just stayed where he was. Paula noticed him then, but her brief smile was replaced with a frown on seeing the panic on his face. "Is everything alright Harvey?"

He paused, as his mind raced to decide on the best strategy. Had this been a legal negotiation, he'd have been in control, but in situations like this one, he was out of his depth. He took a couple of steps towards them, trying to recover his calm exterior.

"Yes. Fine. I'm surprised to see you, that's all."

She raised an eyebrow. "Hopefully it's a good surprise." It happened in a split second; easy to miss, but Paula caught the quick glance he made past her in to Donna's office behind her. Something was going on and she knew it. One look at Louis and she suspected he knew about it too. She glanced in to Donna's office as she moved forward, but Donna's head was down, focussed on the document in her hand.

Paula found herself stepping back from Harvey, all her instincts alive to the feeling that something had happened that she wasn't going to like, but now wasn't the time to find out.

"I've just remembered I have an appointment, so I actually need to go." Harvey frowned. She'd been about to come to his office, not leave. "You sure?"

She nodded and turned away. "Thank you again Louis," she murmured, as she passed him, almost bumping in to Mike. Harvey said nothing, simply returning to his office, as Donna looked up from her papers, clearly checking that the coast was clear.

Louis looked from one office to the other in frustration. _This is nuts_ , he thought. Turning to return to his own part of the floor, he caught Mike's eye as he approached. One glance between them said it all.

"You know," Mike said simply, earning a nod from Louis in response.

"This cannot go on much longer Mike. If we aren't a team, this firm will be over." He glanced back at Donna and Harvey's offices. "They can't go on like this. Something will have to give eventually."

Mike nodded. His only concern was that the final outcome might not be a good one.

…

Harvey had just poured himself a scotch, having returned home after another long day, made all the more difficult due to Paula's appearance at the office. Why the hell had he been so anxious? Donna was hardly going to tell her, was she? He shook his head. The situation had got out of control in his head and he needed to get a grip of it. Fast.

The knock at the door surprised him and he sighed. He just wanted to be left alone.

On opening the door, he was confronted with Paula's fixed stare. Her expression was unreadable and he felt immediately uncomfortable. "Paula. Did we have plans?"

"We need to talk Harvey." He said nothing, simply holding the door open for her to enter. Deep down, he knew what was coming and yet he still felt a little surprised when she asked the question.

"What happened between you and Donna? The truth."

He swallowed and stared at her, as she stood by his breakfast bar, arms crossed, face still unreadable. _How the hell is she so good at that expression?!_

"She kissed me."

Ironically, he felt relief on saying the words out loud, despite the hurt he knew it was going to cause. Paula didn't move, taking in his words, turning them over in her mind, her professional skills kicking in, providing a façade of detachment to the situation she found herself in.

"Of course she did."

The reply took Harvey by surprise. He'd expected anger and hurt, but not this. It was as if it had been something she'd been expecting all along. He frowned, brows knitting together, as he stepped towards her.

"Paula…..I…." His words dried up. He had no idea what to say to her. Just like it had been with Donna. He'd have laughed, if it weren't so shit.

"Did you stop her?" It was a fair and reasonable question.

"I….I wasn't expecting it. It came out of nowhere." He sighed, before the real truth left his mouth. "No. I didn't stop it. She did."

God, he felt like shit now. Total shit. How the hell was he in this situation? His mind kindly reminded him that he had Donna to thank for this mess and the conflicting emotions raged through him yet again.

Paula nodded, walking towards the fireplace and standing in front of its glow. She didn't look at him as she spoke, her voice calm and controlled. "It didn't come out of nowhere really, did it Harvey? You surely know that?"

Yet again, her response threw him. This wasn't the fight he'd imagined. "I don't understand."

Paula turned to face him; her arms still folded and shook her head in sad resignation. "We've always been heading to this moment. From the second you came to my home, out of the blue, wanting to take me to dinner."

Harvey took a step forwards, confusion filling his head. "I liked you Paula. We had a connection."

She closed her eyes and swallowed, clearly trying to maintain a sense of calm. "Is that why you came to me Harvey? Because you thought we had a connection?"

"Yes! I told you. You know me so well. You understand me. I like being around you." It was true. He did care about this woman and being with her was so easy. He barely had to think about it. It was only in that moment, did he consider that perhaps the easiness of it didn't mean what he thought it did.

"I know you Harvey, because I was your therapist. It was my job to try and understand you, to try and help you."

He moved forwards again, a hand extended towards her. "And you did! You did help me!"

She took a seat at the far end of the couch. "And that's all it should have been."

She looked sad and again the guilt flooded through him. Paula didn't deserve this. He was about to interject when her eyes met his. "Why did you come to me Harvey? After so much time without a word?"

He paused, as he tried to form an answer that made sense, only to discover that he couldn't. He sighed. "Because I…" _Why is this so hard_ , he thought?

Paula gave him a sad look. "It was because something had happened with Donna wasn't it? Just as it had the first time I met you; that was because of Donna too."

He shook his head in frustration. "Nothing happened between us then. She was moving forward with her life and I was too. With you!"

Paula tilted her head and stared at him. It took him a few minutes to realise he'd seen this look from her before – during his therapy sessions. "Because I know you so well…..Just like Donna."

Harvey stared at her, hands reaching to grip the armrest at the other end of the couch.

\- _What the hell is happening here?_

He'd expected shouting and accusations about him cheating on her and yet, instead, she was analysing him. The feeling he'd had during those early sessions with her, of defensiveness, started to kick in. "What are you getting at Paula?"

She watched him sit down on the couch, a space left between them, the perfect representation of their relationship. "We didn't talk much about Donna back then did we Harvey? It's odd when I think about it now. She was, after all, the reason for your panic attacks; when she left you. But then we had deeper issues to focus on, so I let it go."

Harvey felt his chest tighten at the mention of Donna leaving him. "I…." He frowned, not sure what he'd been about to say.

"The thought of losing her frightens you doesn't it? It always has."

His throat went dry. _Why the hell were they talking about this?!_ It was the last subject he wanted to speak about. "We've known each other a long time. She's always been there…..She's my friend."

Paula wanted to be angrier with him, but it was so clear to her that he was utterly blinded to the truth; a truth she wished she'd seen a year ago. It would have saved her so much pain.

"And she was moving on with her life?"

His head shot up, the fear shining out of his eyes. "What?" he whispered. "You said that before you came to my home, in your fancy car to impress me, that Donna was moving on with her life?"

Without realising it, he found himself responding with more detail than he should. "She said she wanted more from her life. That she needed to work out what that meant." Paula sighed. The pieces were slowly falling in to place and she realised that the man in front of her should never have stopped being her patient.

"And that scared you? You thought she might leave you again? That she was moving on without you?" She let the questions hang in the air between them and Harvey sat still in his place on the couch. He'd never truly thought about it. "So you decided to move on first…With someone who knew you…..Almost as well as she does."

The end of Paula's speech wasn't posed as a question. The truth of what had brought them here, all too clear to her, even if Harvey still refused to see it.

"That's not it! We work well together! I care about you!"

Paula swallowed. _Why is he making this so hard_ , she thought. "I know you do Harvey and if circumstances were different, maybe this would work, but you don't love me and I know it's only been a few months, but…..I…I don't think you could ever love me."

She sounded so sad, her voice flatter. "Paula…." He hated seeing her upset and knowing it was his fault. _Love took time didn't it?_ It didn't happen overnight.

Paula bit her lip and closed her eyes. How had she ended up here, in the middle of this mess? _Because I wanted it to be real_ , she admitted. _I wanted the happy ending for once._

"You need to face your feelings for her Harvey. Otherwise, you'll keep on hurting anyone who gets in the way, as well as yourself and Donna."

"I don't…" He stopped, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Love her? Are you sure? She kissed you and you didn't stop her, even though I know better than most your feelings on infidelity and the thought of losing her from your life always has a significant effect on you or on your actions, whether its your panic attacks, or deciding to pursue me."

Harvey couldn't move. His mind was trying desperately to keep up. "I didn't mean to hurt you Paula. I don't want to! Nothing else has happened. I would never do that! I couldn't!"

Paula closed her eyes again, truly realising how messy the situation was. "I know Harvey," she whispered. "You are not like my ex….or your mother." The reference stung, just as it had when Donna had said it. "I know you wouldn't let anything more happen, but that doesn't mean it isn't what you want, if you are truly honest with yourself."

He raised his head, which suddenly felt heavier and in need of the numbing comfort of scotch. "Paula….."

She cut him off, needing to have everything clear. "You didn't tell me about the kiss? Why?"

"Because I was ashamed! Because I didn't want to hurt you." She could see from the look in his eyes that it was the truth, but her professional radar knew there was more to it. "And because you didn't know how you felt about it?"

He looked blankly at her, a frown across his forehead, before a sigh left him. "No. I didn't. I don't."

Paula reached in to her bag, retrieving his key, playing with it between her fingers. "I think that has been the problem you've both had for a long time Harvey. Not knowing how you feel, or avoiding how you feel. The only difference now is that Donna understands her feelings. It was yours she wasn't certain about and she still isn't."

He hated this conversation; half break up talk with his girlfriend and half therapy session. _Is she going to bill me at the end of this_ , he thought?

"It's never been that way. Not with us. The rules were always clear on that." Paula frowned. It was a strange choice of words; talking about rules, if nothing had ever happened…..She almost laughed at her own stupidity. Something had happened. Not now. Not for a very long time and yet it had been ignored ever since. She wanted to ask, but realised she didn't want, or indeed need, to know.

Instead, she stood up, passing by him as he stayed sitting on the couch, confusion across his face. He reached out for her hand, as she moved to pass him. She held it for a few moments, enjoying the connection one last time. "I told you once before that she loves you Harvey. What I'd tried to ignore was the possibility that you also love her. I think I know the answer to that question now, whether you are ready to admit it or not."

She let go of his hand, slipping the key in to his open palm. "You should have kept seeing me Harvey, but as your therapist. Perhaps I could have helped you work through all of this." She was hurt, but she also knew that this was partly her own fault and the guilt she felt as a professional took over for a moment. "I'll email you a name. You should go and see him."

Harvey said nothing, feeling strangely numb, as Paula moved away towards the front door. "You can't keep lying to yourself. You are stopping yourself from being happy."

With that, she opened the door and disappeared from his life, for what he knew was the last time. He couldn't move, as the conversation sank in, his hand turning the key over and over.

He tried to think about Donna; about how he felt about her, but all he could feel that night was anger.

\- _Why did she have to turn everything upside down? What the hell did she expect would happen?_

He stood and walked over to the scotch, poured a generous glass and proceeded to try and drown away the nagging voice in his head that asked over and over again what he was really scared about.

When the scotch didn't work, he collapsed in to bed, hoping to escape his confusion in sleep, only to find he was awoken by dreams of just one woman and it scared him to death that it wasn't the one who had just walked out on him.

…

 _That's all for now! As I did in Love & War, I didn't write Paula's reaction as angry and overly emotional. I just don't see her acting that way and of she does on screen, I'll really feel that she is a totally different character to the one I liked in season 5. Let me know what you thought of this latest chapter! Thanks! _


	5. Chapter 5

**Life has been getting in the way recently, but I've found the time to write this next chapter of my spin on 7B. This hiatus certainly seems to be going on forever doesn't it?! At least we have fan fiction and twitter to keep us all going! Do let me know what you think of the chapter! Thanks!**

 **...**

 **Chapter Five**

"Hey Donna, you aren't listening to a word I'm saying are you?"

Donna did hear that and brought her attention back to the phone in her hand, as she sat with her legs tucked under her on her couch. "I am. I am listening."

"Really? What did I just say?" Her friend's amused tone reached her ear and she sighed. Just like her, he had an uncanny ability to read people, even if all he had to go on was their voice on the other end of the phone. It was one of the reasons they'd bonded while at college.

"Sorry Rich." Pretence was pointless and she knew it.

"What's up? This is the second time we've spoken recently and you've sounded off. What's Harvey done now?"

She sighed. In all the years she had known Harvey, he'd never met any of her friends and she hated to admit that over the last decade, she'd let too many of those friendships slip because of putting Harvey and the firm first. Rich had stuck around. He was also the one who ensured she kept her toe in the acting world every once in a while. And he had heard a fair amount about Harvey over the years.

"Oh, this latest shit storm is all on me," she replied sadly. She hadn't regretted her actions, but the longer the strain on her relationship with Harvey persisted, the more uncertain she was about her choice of actions.

"The two of you are ridiculous, you do know that right? Either act on all that sexual tension or get the hell away from him and start living you life with someone who knows how lucky they are to have you."

"Rich…" She knew this would be his response. It wasn't the first time they'd had this, albeit brief, discussion.

"Offer still stands. I'll hit him any time. The next couple of weeks are a bit crazy, but I'd make time for that!"

She smiled and let a chuckle escape her. Harvey would probably win, but she appreciated the gesture. "I'll bear that in mind! Have you spoken to Melissa recently?" Since their mutual friend had left the city, Donna struggled to keep up with her, but she knew Rich did.

"I know you're changing the subject. Don't think you can get away with that going unnoticed! She's fine. The kids are fine too. You should go up and see them."

"Maybe I will," she replied, starting to think a getaway was just what she needed. "I better go. It's getting late."

They said their goodnights and promised to talk again soon. Padding through to her kitchen, she made herself a warm herbal tea, before climbing in to bed, yet again wondering what fresh tension the new day would bring.

…

Donna was with Rachel the following morning in the executive kitchen; relatively safe territory, as Harvey very rarely used it. They had been discussing Rachel and Mike's upcoming wedding with great enthusiasm, when Louis appeared. He seemed quiet and a little withdrawn. Donna frowned.

"Is everything okay Louis?"

He looked at them, almost as though he'd failed to notice their presence until Donna had spoken and gave a feared smile. "Fine," he murmured, grabbing a croissant and scurrying out of the room.

Rachel sighed. "He's having a hard time isn't he? About Sheila getting married?"

Talking about Louis and Sheila unnerved Donna, as much as she hated to admit it. It cut too close to the bone.

\- _Maybe I've messed up my life, but I can try and help Louis._

"You have that look Donna. What are you planning?" Rachel was smiling. If there was a plan, she was more than willing to be involved.

"She reached out to Louis. Just before she marries someone else…."

Rachel nodded. "And you think she'd only do that, if part of her was hoping he'd try and stop her?" It made sense. Donna smiled sadly. "Well, who doesn't like the idea of someone fighting for them?" The double meaning of the comment wasn't lost on Rachel, but she said nothing.

"Perhaps someone needs to talk to her, make her see she still has options?" The idea of helping fix Louis's heartbreak seemed suddenly to be the perfect distraction and would mean she'd be helping a friend too.

"Someone, meaning us?" Rachel replied; her voice filled with enthusiasm. "I think we need a plan!"

…

As she formulated an idea to try and do some good for Louis, Donna also knew that she had a job to do and one that she was determined to kick ass at, following Andy Malik's humiliating insinuations.

Harvey had avoided her gaze as he'd arrived that morning, their usual morning greeting seemingly a thing of the past. She'd found herself wondering whether they could realistically go on this way.

Just before leaving for lunch with Rachel, during which their plan was to be agreed, she stepped in to his office, a file in her hands. "I have the suggested lateral hire approach list for your review and sign off. Louis has already given his input, but we need yours."

He didn't look up from his papers. "Just leave it on the desk and I'll get to it." His voice was distant and he looked tired. Donna found herself wondering whether something else had happened.

"It's important Harvey. The sooner we agree on the names, the sooner we can start making some credible offers to people to move here."

He stopped writing, but still refused to look at her. "I said I'd get to it."

"Fine, as long as you do and don't ignore it just because I'm asking you to do it." Her tone carried an air of irritation that she couldn't hide.

\- _Why can't he look at me?_

"Just go Donna. I'm not in the mood today." His tone was even, but with an edge she hadn't heard since when she'd gone to work for Louis and he'd treated her so unfairly. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to keep her emotions in check. Without another word she left and Harvey closed his eyes.

He'd barely slept following his talk and subsequent break-up with Paula. True to her word, a few minutes before Donna had entered his office, he'd received Paula's email. It was short, professional and to the point.

 _Harvey,_

 _Please find below, the contact details I mentioned. I have informed him that a former patient of mine might contact him._

 _You should call him. He can help you._

 _Paula_

There was no personal content, or reference to everything they had talked about. Her ability to be so detached about it impressed him, before his mind had reminded him how poorly he'd treated her, dragging her in to his messed up life in the first place.

It had not been the ideal timing for Donna to appear in his office and he had found himself unable to meet her eyes. It was too much for him right now. He knew the tone had hurt her, but he was still so angry. They had enough to deal with, without him having to try and work out the tangled web that made up his emotional life.

Sure, he'd been attracted to Donna on meeting her. How could he not be? As their working relationship had started to take shape at the DA's office, he had managed to keep it light, mainly through their flirty banter. It had been fun.

As he put his pen down and turned to look out of the window, he found himself thinking back over their years together; how as those years had gone on, they had become inextricably linked. It had been both a gift and a curse. The stakes became too high to risk what they had. And there had been her damn rule. He'd simply put it out of his mind, or pushed it so far down that he could go for long periods of time without thinking about it at all. But it always resurfaced; just as it had the moment he'd felt her lips against his and her hand in his hair.

He'd thought about Donna "that way" as she'd put it once, of course he had and he'd always come back to the same conclusion. He couldn't risk everything falling to pieces and seeing her walk away from him for good, out of the door and never coming back. He hadn't been willing to risk it, so truly thinking about how he felt about her had never been necessary. They'd had an unspoken agreement. Or so he thought.

Yet now, it was all he could think about. And it was driving him crazy.

…

Sheila stirred her martini glass with the stick that had, until a moment ago, held her choice three olives. In a few days she'd be married. She should be excited. Yet here she was, alone in a bar, an unavoidable sense of sadness surrounding her. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice their approach.

"He misses you too."

She glanced to her right, to find Donna's sympathetic smile from her place on the bar stool next to her.

"She's right. He really does." Rachel confirmed Donna's words from the other side of Sheila, who sighed. "How did you find me?" Donna smiled at the question. "It's a talent of mine to find people when I need to and we wanted to talk to you."

She shook her head. "You aren't going to convince me to cancel my wedding ladies. You may be persuasive, but not that persuasive, so don't waste your time."

"We know we can't convince you of anything, but you should talk to Louis. He's lost without you."

Sheila laughed at Donna's words. "Really? I heard he was marrying someone else."

Rachel frowned. She had wondered if Sheila had heard about Tara. "It was impulsive and not the right choice for him. He was lonely and I think he knows that now. The thought of you marrying someone else crushes him." Rachel's eyes pleaded for Sheila to believe what she was saying.

Donna sipped at the drink that had been placed in front of her. "He told me you were his soul mate and that he'd regret letting you go for the rest of his life. Please…if there's even a chance that you feel the same, please just talk to him. It's not too late for you both to be happy."

Sheila closed her eyes. "I'm getting married this week. He's a good man and he loves me very much."

Rachel reached out and squeezed her hand. "But do you love him? Really love him?" She smiled softly. "I'm getting married too; in a few weeks. And he's everything to me. I cannot imagine my life without him. Everything I want from life, from the future, I want to share with Mike and I cannot wait to marry him and start that future."

The emotion and love was clear in her eyes and her words struck a chord with their intended target. "He wanted a family and I can't give him that," she whispered sadly.

"Just give him a chance to talk about it with you. Maybe it won't change anything between you, but what if it does? Isn't it worth taking a chance to know for sure?"

Rachel's question hit Donna too, as her mind thought back to the chance she'd taken for herself and what a disaster it had turned out to be.

"And what if it only causes more pain? For him and for me?" She looked from one woman to the other, as she asked the question.

Donna sighed. "Then you know you gave it a shot, to be sure about how you feel and you move on." Rachel glanced at her friend, knowing Donna was talking about herself as much as Sheila. Too many people around her needed their lives fixing, she thought sadly.

…

As they left the bar together that night, Rachel and Donna stood on the sidewalk, before going their separate ways.

"Do you think she'll give him a chance?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"I don't know Rach, but at least we tried. I'll see you tomorrow." Donna turned to go, but Rachel called her back.

"What about you? I know things are hard right now Donna, but I'm sure it will get better." She squeezed her friend's arm supportively. Donna looked to the ground and swallowed before responding. "I wish I was as sure as you are Rach. I just don't see it that way. I wish I did…..It's late."

"He does love you. He's just afraid to admit it." Rachel responded gently. She really did believe that was the truth.

Donna considered the statement. "Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't, but I deserve someone who isn't afraid to think about it in the first place Rach." With that, she turned and walked away.

…

The following day it was business as usual. She saw Harvey arrive, past her office, his eyes never glancing her way, remaining fixed straight ahead. His demeanour screamed "stay away from me" and it made her both angry and sad simultaneously.

She knew she needed to talk to him. The documents she needed his sign off on had yet to be returned to her after she'd left them with him and she had meetings that she needed to schedule. Yet she was waiting for him to do his job.

\- _I'll give him the morning to do it._

She already knew he wouldn't, but she was hoping she'd be wrong. Instead, she left her office and made her way to Louis's. He was hunched over his desk, face literally buried in papers.

"Louis?" He looked up and gave her a smile. "Donna, what do you need?"

She stepped in to his office and closed the door behind her. "I have something to tell you and I want you to hear me out first and not overreact."

He frowned, clearly confused. "Okay." She took a seat across from him and smiled. "You need to go and talk to Sheila and you need to do it today."

He swallowed and shook his head. "I can't Donna. She's happy with someone else. I am not going to ruin that for her. There's no point."

"There's every point Louis. And she's waiting for you to call her."

He looked up. "What…How do you…?" His face displayed so many emotions at once, that Donna wanted to hug him. "Rachel and I talked to her last night Louis. If you go and see her, she'll talk to you."

He looked hopeful and a small smile crept on to his face. "Does she want to be with me?" Donna bit her lip. "I think she's afraid that it will all fall apart; that you're not ready; that she should move on with someone whose feelings she's sure about. I don't know if it will work out for you Louis, but you have a chance to find out."

She stood up and walked towards the door. "Thank you Donna." She turned back and gave him a watery smile. "You're welcome Louis."

Her own life may be a mess, but if she could help Louis, it would be one good thing she could cling to in the chaos.

…

Donna practically bumped in to Harvey as she turned towards his office later that day. "I need to speak to you."

He stepped around her. "I can't. I'm late."

She, in turn, stepped back in to his path and crossed her arms. "This is not a joke Harvey. I need you to look at that work and discuss it with me."

He met her gaze for the first time in days and it scared him the hardness that was there. He'd done that, stolen the warmth from her eyes and he hated himself. "I said I'd do it and I will. Later."

"When Harvey? Or shall I have Louis come and ask you, as I suggested the last time I brought this up with you? You're not being fair to me!"

He suddenly felt defensive. "Fair?! You've hardly been fair to me either! Not with what you did, not to mention everything it has caused!"

She was unsure what he was referring to, sensing there was more to the comment than she was aware of, but she'd had enough. "For God's sake Harvey. It's done. You could try talking to me about it! About all of it! But you won't! Do you think that's fair?!"

He looked away, gripped by fear. "I can't. I'm late." He stalked away and she sighed. "We can't keep doing this Harvey," she whispered to the empty space in the corridor where he had just been standing.

…

Mike was waiting for him by the car to go to the meeting. He could see from the hard look on Harvey's face that he'd had yet another row with Donna.

\- _When are they going to get past this?_

Harvey said nothing, simply climbing in to the car, so Mike followed. Traffic was terrible and the ride was slow. Mike was quiet for a while, but he couldn't hold his tongue for long.

"You need to talk to her Harvey. And when I say talk, I mean actually talk. No more clipped comments and raised voices."

"Don't Mike." His tone was cutting.

"Someone has to tell you that you're being a dick!" Mike reasoned. He knew he'd held back from telling Harvey what he thought on this topic for too long. Harvey laughed bitterly. "This is not on me Mike. This is on her. She's ruined everything. Not me!"

"She hasn't ruined anything Harvey," Mike said quietly. Harvey turned then and his eyes narrowed. "You know, don't you?"

Mike nodded. "So, Rachel knows too? God damn it, you may as well tell Louis as well!" He said the last comment with sarcasm, but Mike surprised him. "He overheard one of your many arguments, so yes, he knows too."

"Jesus. Well that's great. I hope you are all enjoying yourselves." He was bitter and his tone was one Mike hadn't heard very often.

"Oh right! This is such fun for the rest of us to watch. Just deal with it! This isn't just anyone. This is Donna! What are you so scared of? I don't understand it! I know it's hard because of Paula, but you need to start being honest with yourself Harvey. It's better for all of you."

"Paula left me. Just leave it alone Mike."

They arrived then and Harvey opened the car door, making no further comment. Mike caught Ray's eyes in the rear view mirror and they exchanged weary looks. The longer this went on, the more worried Mike became.

…

 _That's all for another chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to write another one soon! Do let me know what you think so far!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate it! I should already be asleep, but once I started typing the chapter up, I had to finish it, so here it is. I admit, this one was a tough one to write, so I hope you like it. I genuinely cannot wait to see how they do this on screen, but for now, this is my version! Thanks for all the continued support. Do leave a review and let me know what you think, as it's great to read all your thoughts.**

 **...**

 **Chapter Six**

Harvey knocked back another glass of scotch, as he stared blankly in to his fireplace, the colours once again making him think of the red head; the one who had been by his side for longer than he could remember.

\- _Thirteen years. Jesus. What a mess._

He let his mind wander and closed his eyes, as he remembered the light of her room that morning, as she had slept peacefully next to him. It seemed as if it was only yesterday, as the satisfied peace he'd felt on being next to Donna had quickly been replaced by fear and confusion, as he'd imagined it all falling to pieces. Would she ruin it or would he? It had terrified him so much that he'd had to get away; put some distance between them and between himself and his feelings.

It was as he'd slipped silently out of her apartment while she slept, that he'd thought about work, of a way to keep her close, without the risk of him messing it up. He'd used her rule to protect himself back then, just as much as she had during their time at the DA's office.

\- _Would it have worked? Could it ever work?_

He shook his head and stood up, planning to pour another drink, but the ringing of his phone stopped him. He almost didn't answer, but he could never ignore his brother.

"Hey loser. What do you want?" Ever since he'd learnt that his brother had got sick again and kept it from him, he'd been more determined than ever to be there.

"You're such a dick Harvey." He could hear the amusement in his brother's voice.

"Takes one to know one," he replied dryly.

Marcus chuckled and then cleared his throat, the tone turning more serious. "Listen Harvey, it's Mom's birthday in a couple of months and it's a big number, so we were thinking of planning something and….I wanted to broach it early with you about whether you'd come…"

Harvey stood by his decanter. The irony wasn't lost on him that just when he'd started to compare himself to her, she cropped up. "I….Can I think about it?"

His brother seemed satisfied that it wasn't an immediate no. "Sure Harvey. Look, I better go. It's the kids' bedtime and I'm on story duty."

Harvey smiled, picturing his brother's family settling down for the night. "Night Marcus." He ended the call and surveyed his solitary apartment, suddenly feeling even lonelier than he had before. With a sigh, he reached for the scotch.

…

As Mike buttoned his shirt the next morning, he reeled Rachel in with his latest information. "So, Harvey knows we all know."

Rachel turned to him from her dressing table and frowned. "When you say all?"

"You, me, Louis. The Three Amigos. As you can imagine, he's thrilled."

Rachel sighed. "Did he at least listen to reason?" She knew it was unlikely, but had to hope it would happen eventually.

Mike raised his eyes. "What do you think? He's 40, going on 14 in maturity levels right now. Says she ruined everything, which may be slightly true."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Meaning?" Her tone was ready to leap to her friend's defence at any moment.

"Paula ended it with him," Mike answered simply.

"She did?! When?! Why?!" Rachel's interest was peaked now and Mike knew she was pinning too much hope on the answers.

"He didn't say. It was made clear that it was not open to discussion, but I'm guessing the why is down to one thing." Rachel nodded. It had to be because of Donna and that kiss. She had to admit to herself that she'd been hoping Harvey would end it himself, in the aftermath of Donna's bold actions, but it seemed that he continued to be blind. _Why are some men such idiots_ , she thought.

"You going to tell Donna," Mike asked.

Rachel bit her lip and tilted her head in thought. "I honestly don't know if that would be the right choice or not. Maybe we should leave them be for a while. This can't go on forever, after all."

Mike shook his head. "Don't be so sure about that Rach."

…

The chill in the air of the conference room was undeniable to Louis, as the three of them sat around the long table that had once been filled with PSL's partnership. Now it was just them. With the tension almost unbearable, Louis briefly debated unilaterally promoting Katrina and Mike to get extra support in the room. Why wasn't Alex here?

He finished his summary of the new deal that he and Katrina had successfully stolen from Bratton Gould. It was a coup, capitalising on the weakened position of their rival firm and it deserved credit. He finished his speech, to be greeted with silence. He waited a few moments, before answering himself.

"You're welcome. No more praise. It's already too much!" The sarcasm dripped from his voice.

"It's fantastic Louis," Donna volunteered, a small smile on her face. Harvey seemed to come back to reality at her words, his eyes landing on her, noticing how she avoided his gaze.

"Good job Louis. Really," he replied.

Louis looked between the two of them, frustration growing on his face. He shook his head. "Any other business? Donna? Do you want to talk about lateral hires?"

She gave a short laugh. "I would if there was any point in me doing so Louis, but there isn't."

"Meaning?" He was almost too scared to ask.

Donna sighed. "Because I need Harvey to review the paperwork and I'm tired of reminding him about it. That isn't my job anymore."

Harvey laughed then. "And don't you love to keep reminding me that you no longer work for me Donna? I get the message."

Her eyes met his then. She looked tired. Rising to her feet, she picked up her files. "Just read the material Harvey. Talk to Louis about it. Excuse me, I have another meeting."

With that, she left the room and Louis rubbed his forehead, the start of a headache building. "Enough is enough Harvey. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Don't Louis." His tone was hostile and stubborn and Louis snapped. "No, I think I will. This cannot go on. If the two of you keep hurting each other like this, you won't be able to go back and I cannot believe that's what you want!"

Harvey got up and left the room without another word. "God damn it," Louis groaned. He'd never met two people more stubborn than his friends in his whole life.

…

Later that evening, when the floor was quiet, Harvey stepped in to Donna's office. She looked up, recognising his footfall anywhere. His eyes were focussed on the folder in his hands, as he approached her desk. "Everything

looks in order on the hiring approach," he spoke quietly, placing the folder on her desk.

He turned to go and Donna bit back her tears. It was clear to her now. She really had lost him and sadness engulfed her. "Was that really so hard?" Her question was equally quiet.

His back to her, Harvey closed her eyes. He wanted to reach out to her, but he couldn't; the remaining hurt at her destabilising his world, holding firm. He stopped, as if to turn back, but thought better of it, turning towards the door.

"So, we're never going to talk about this? Is this the new normal Harvey? If it is, then this isn't going to work for me."

Her words jolted him, reminding him about a time, not that long ago, when she'd said something similar before walking away from him. "What do you want me to say Donna?"

She exhaled loudly and closed her eyes. "I want you to say how you feel!"

He turned, the fear, confusion and hurt swirling over his features. "How I feel? I feel betrayed. You made me compromise myself on the issue you know matters the most to me." He paused and looked away. "I never thought you'd do that to me."

A single tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away while he wasn't looking. "I said I was sorry for that Harvey and I am…If this is about Paula…..I can talk to her…."

She was shocked at herself at the notion, but her need to ensure he was happy, even if that wasn't with her, remained. _I really am a masochist_ , she thought.

Hearing Paula's name leave Donna's mouth, made him feel sick and confused and so Harvey did what he was good at – he went on the offensive. "Don't talk about her," he said simply, as his own guilt at screwing up Paula's life kicked in.

"Harvey…I…I can explain to her…."

"I SAID DON'T!" The volume in his voice stunned her a little, silencing her immediately.

He clenched his hands in to fists at his side, trying to release the tension that had been building for days. Donna took a breath. "We need to work out how to exist here together Harvey. We both have a job to do."

"I'm doing my job just fine. If you're having problems handling your new position Donna, well then maybe that's your problem. Not mine."

\- _Bastard._

She stood up and with as much poise as she could muster, walked around her desk, closing the gap between them. "Don't you say that to me. Not after everything I had to take from Malik on that damn stand! I earned this job Harvey. After all those years with you, supporting this firm! Supporting you! You know I did!" Her tone was neutral, but she could feel herself clinging to every last inch of emotional control.

"Except when you had enough of supporting me and ran away to Louis!" There was anger and a childish jealousy in his voice that she dearly wanted to slap out of him.

\- _Is he trying to push me away, or does he just want to hurt me?_

"I ran away?! Seriously? You're unbelievable. I didn't run anywhere Harvey. I needed to change things. I couldn't do it anymore. Just like now, you have never wanted to talk about the reasons behind the choice I made back then either!"

"What, the choice to leave me?! No, I guess I didn't!" He shouted at her.

Donna threw her hands in the air and paced her office. "I moved down the corridor Harvey! I was still here, even when you were being a jackass. And I came back, didn't I?!" Her voice rose slightly, as her defensive instincts kicked in.

"What do you want Donna, gratitude?! Why did you come back anyway?!" The harshness of the questions stung and she felt herself knocked a little off her axis.

"Harvey. Stop."

He was on a roll now, the issues they'd never addressed, rising to the surface. "Let's face it Donna. You didn't really choose to come back, did you?" He was goading her now and she refused to give him more reasons to fight. "Harvey. Stop this."

He walked a small circle around her office, resembling a caged animal. "You wanted to talk about how I feel, so I'm talking! You didn't come back for me. You came back for Mike!"

She could see the hurt in his face and she felt the tears welling inside of her. "I came back because I cared about you! Because you needed me!" The words came out with a strangled sob, as she fought to keep control of her emotions.

"Well, maybe I don't need you anymore!" He threw the words at her and she stepped back on reflex, momentarily stunned.

Harvey froze, shocked at himself and yet unable to take it back. She'd turned his world upside down. Time to see how she liked it.

If he'd expected her to shout, or scream, or slap him, then he was out of luck. Donna simply stood there, eyes wide and full of the betrayal that he suspected had been shining out of his for days.

Her response was quiet. "Maybe you don't."

His mind screamed at him to reply, to say something to fix the harm he'd caused in just a few short minutes, but he couldn't. He couldn't look at her a moment longer; to see someone else he'd let down. Instead he walked out and didn't look back.

…

Donna wasn't certain how long she'd been standing there in her office; Harvey's words ringing in her head. Her rational brain tried to tell her that he was just lashing out in anger; that he didn't mean it, but it started to dawn on her that perhaps he was right; perhaps he didn't need her anymore.

\- _The firm is going to be fine. He has Paula. He has his family back. He has Mike back._

She looked around the office that she had fought for, which in just a few months contained so many weighted memories. Just as she'd done the night she'd kissed Harvey, she staggered back against the window ledge, as if she'd been punched in the stomach.

\- _What am I doing here?_

She put a hand to her mouth, as a small sob escaped her.

"Donna! You won't believe it! I took the day and talked to Sheila and she's calling off the wedding! We're going to give it another try! It's all thanks to you and Rachel!"

Louis was so elated that he'd burst over the threshold of Donna's office without noticing the state of the person in front of him. It was only after he'd finished that he realised something was very very wrong.

"Donna…..What's happened?"

She swallowed and took a breath, summoning her strongest acting ability. "Nothing Louis. It's nothing. That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. More than you know."

He wasn't a fool. The sentiment was true, but she couldn't hide the devastation she felt from him. He could see it in her face and her body language. He took a step towards her tentatively. "Donna. What happened? You can tell me."

She closed her eyes and counted to five in her head, before responding. "I'm fine Louis. I just need to be alone right now. Please?"

"Donna…." Leaving her alone felt wrong to Louis.

"Please Louis." She met his eyes, pleading with him to do as she asked. He nodded. "Promise me, you'll talk to me when you're ready?"

She smiled weakly, "I promise." He gave her one last concerned look and disappeared as she'd asked.

Once he was out of sight, Donna let the tears fall, as she slowly let go of the only life she'd come to know.

After a few minutes, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She was Donna; she would not let this break her. She stayed perched on the ledge, slowly surveying the office again and the quiet corridors of the firm. It wasn't too late, but it was late enough that most people had gone for the night.

She allowed herself a few more moments to reflect on her choices over the last decade, culminating in her bold and reckless move. So much of her adult life had been shaped by this place and by the people within it.

\- _Not by the people. By just one. By Harvey._

She closed her eyes, hearing his words in her head, as he said he no longer needed her. She didn't want to believe it, but regardless of its truth, she sensed it marked a line in the sand. It was a full stop at the end of an overly long chapter of her life.

She felt the clarity of that understanding wash through her, bringing her a strange sense of peace.

\- _Time to go._

The voice in her head seemed to be putting her swirling emotions in to form and substance; in to a plan, or the beginnings of one.

"Time to go," she spoke aloud, as if responding in agreement to her subconscious.

Moving from the ledge, she opened her bottom drawer and removed the spare bag she kept there, in case of emergencies. A cardboard box felt too clichéd this time and she didn't really have much to take with her. She packed her personal items silently, with a growing strength, as each one disappeared in to the bag.

Once she had finished, she sat down at her desk and opened a fresh document on screen, typing her formal letter of resignation, as if on autopilot. She addressed it to both named partners and printed two copies, retrieving them from the printer and signing them; keen to be done with such formalities. On sealing the envelopes, she turned to the piece of notepaper on her desk and reached for her pen again.

The note was short; there really wasn't much left to say; or maybe there was too much….she wasn't certain anymore. Hand shaking just a little, she signed the paper and folded it, dispensing with an envelope this time.

Rising from her chair, she carried the two letters to their destinations, leaving Louis's on his desk, before stepping in to Harvey's office and placing the envelope in the middle of his desk. She was oddly grateful that it was this office and not his old one, a place that was home to so many memories.

Returning to her office, she picked up her bags, leaving the folded sheet of notepaper on her desk. Finally, taking a deep breath, she opened her drawer and picked up the can-opener, weighing it in her hands, as a tear slipped down her cheek, before placing it atop the notepaper.

With a nod of her head, she walked to the door, taking one last look, her fingers tracing the letters of her name on the glass. Wiping the tear from her cheek, she turned her back on the room and walked to the elevators, pressing the down button firmly.

She was certain Harvey would not be back for a while, if he did choose to return tonight, but she had no intention of being there when he did.

…

Her heels clicked against the marbled lobby floor, as she made her way through it, stopping by the security desk and sliding her pass to the confused night clerk, whose name escaped her. She wouldn't need the pass again, after all.

The cool air was a relief to Donna as she stepped out of the building, straightening her back and holding her head high. She wasn't running away; she was moving forward.

A taxi was conveniently idling by the sidewalk outside and she raised her hand just a little, to acknowledge she needed its services as she walked towards it. Opening the door, she stepped towards it and turned; her head lifting to gaze up at the glass building that had been her second home for so long.

\- _This is really it._

Her eyes lingered on the corner office, high above her, for a few moments and she gave a sad smile, bidding a final goodbye to all the memories within it, before slipping inside the cab and gazing out of the window, as it carried her home. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

…

 _That's it for another chapter. I admit, I made myself feel quite sad writing this one. Who knows what will actually happen in the show, but if we're right about Donna leaving, then he must say something horrid. Damn you Harvey! Anyway, I'll try and update again soon (oh, and I haven't forgotten about Love & War either)!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy Friday everyone (well Saturday morning for me now)! Thanks for all the feedback on this 7B story. It really is true that hearing what you think keeps me writing! So, last chapter was my take on what led to Donna deciding to leave and here is the aftermath of that decision. This chapter was the subject of quite a few chats between me and my partner in crime, Mary, until we decided that this could be a realistic way for the story to go (unless all our filming theories are wrong)! Anyway, I hope you like it. Let me know what you think!**

 **...**

 **Chapter Seven**

The first scotch took the immediate edge off; the burning sensation as it hit the back of his throat, a welcome one. It was the second one that steadied him; the adrenaline that had taken over as he'd fled the office, starting to subside. He sat at the bar, momentarily considering calling Mike, before admitting that would be a mistake. He needed to be alone with his stupidity.

As his mind replayed the argument, he closed his eyes and gripped the tumbler, half expecting to shatter it and need yet more attention to his damn hand. He released a breath and rubbed his forehead.

\- _Did I really say that to her?_

He knew he didn't mean it, even as the words were leaving his mouth. It had been a way to hurt her, to turn her world upside down too, but he hadn't meant it. He'd always need Donna. It was how he needed her that terrified him. It's why he was in this damn mess to begin with.

Donna's face filled his head; the look in her eyes, the shock, the hurt, the disbelief, all making him feel nauseous.

 _"_ _Maybe you don't."_

Her words echoed in his brain, over and over again. She didn't believe his crap, did she? She couldn't. She knew he was nothing without her.

He glanced at the time on his phone, realising he'd been gone an hour, as he knocked back the last of his third scotch.

\- _I should go back. Will she still be there? Probably not._

He had no idea what to do. Maybe giving her space would work; go in tomorrow and make amends. Bring her a coffee and try and fix it. He may not understand his feelings, but the one thing he was certain of, was that he would always need her.

Catching sight of himself in the mirrored back wall of the bar, he sighed. He looked like shit and after three glasses of strong scotch he didn't feel much better either.

He thought about going home, but he didn't want to. At times like this, his office felt more like home. How truly pathetic is that, he thought.

…

As the doors of the elevator opened on to the 50th floor, he was greeted by silence. He glanced to his left as he exited in to the firm's reception, still adjusting to the absence of his mentor's name on the wall. It just didn't seem right to him.

He padded along the corridor towards his and Donna's offices. As he approached, he knew she wasn't there; the lack of any light emanating from her office was a clear sign she'd left. He couldn't decide whether that pleased him or not.

As he neared the entrance to his own, he scrolled through his phone, to the missed call from Louis and saw that he'd also left him a voicemail. He always enjoyed hearing Louis's irate messages and he needed something to cheer himself up. Hitting play as he opened his office door, Louis's voice filled his ear.

"Harvey, what the fuck did you do?! It must be you. No one else is capable of making Donna as upset as she is right now. I swear; if you've hurt her, I will make sure you regret it!"

The anger in Louis's voice took Harvey by surprise, his fierce devotion to Donna shining through his words.

\- _Shit. I've really screwed up this time._

He was still debating how best to deal with his actions, as the scotch continued to cloud his head, when he spotted the envelope on his desk. It hadn't been there before; he was sure of it.

He frowned and moved forward, picking it up tentatively. The writing on the outside was easily recognisable and a cold fear started to creep up through him.

Opening the envelope, he took a breath, before removing the paper and focussing his alcohol-hazed brain on the words. His stomach tightened, as if he was about to be sick and he steadied himself against his desk. The words started to swim before his eyes, except for the key ones – "resignation," "effective immediately."

\- _She isn't serious. She can't be…._

He moved from his office in seconds, certain this was just a cruel joke; payback for the hurtful way he'd lashed out at her earlier. Her office was dark, but he stepped inside anyway, glancing around. It looks the same, he thought, until he noticed her desk was clear of personal items. The panic started to rise higher, as his eyes landed on the object sitting in the centre if her desk.

\- _No…_

He stepped forward, picking up the can-opener, which felt cold and heavy in his hands. Seeing the notepaper that had been beneath it, he barely had the courage to touch it, as the reality of the moment struck him with full force. Unfolding the paper, he swallowed, before forcing his eyes to look at the page.

 _"_ _Harvey,_

 _I think you're right._

 _I can't do this anymore._

 _Donna."_

It may have been short, but its brutal impact hit him like a freight train and his knees started to buckle, forcing him to lean forward slightly, resting his weight against her desk.

\- _Oh God. What have I done?_

The dawning realisation that Donna had left him, filled him with more fear than he'd ever known and the desperate need to find her overwhelmed him, as it occurred to him that she could be anywhere by now. Would she still be in the city, or would she have disappeared? All because of his cruel words, designed to wound the one person he cared about the most.

His head started to swim; the three scotches from the bar mixing with the emotional response he was having to the knowledge that Donna had walked out, intending never to come back and the nausea continued to rise within him.

He had to find her. Nothing else mattered.

Still holding her note, he bolted from her office and down in the elevator to the lobby, jogging through it, looking around on the crazy off chance that she was still there.

\- _She's gone. You drove her away._

The thought echoed through his head, as he emerged on to the street, momentarily disoriented by the noise of the buzzing city night. He desperately hailed a cab; no time to call Ray and jumped in, reeling off Donna's address to the driver. She'd have to go home first, even if she was planning on leaving the city; she'd pack a bag first.

He'd taken her leaving to work for Louis badly, but how he'd felt then was nothing compared to the pain he felt now. One cruel, rash comment that he knew had been untrue the moment he'd uttered it and she was gone.

\- _But it wasn't just one comment, was it?_

He closed his eyes, as his mind taunted him. Tonight was the last straw and he knew it. He'd been cruel to her for too long now and he'd finally crossed a line she had been unable to ignore.

…

As the cab pulled up 20 minutes later, he realised she might not even let him in. However, he found that he did seem to have some luck on his side, as another resident of her building appeared through the main entrance, allowing him to catch the door and slip inside without needing to press her buzzer.

On reaching her front door, he stared at the numbers for a few moments. They seemed to taunt him, reminding him of how many significant moments they'd had here, by this doorway, over the years. He almost didn't have the nerve to knock, but the scotch gave him the extra push and he listened for any tell tale signs of movement from within. All was silent. He knocked again, harder, desperation beginning to flood his system.

"Donna…..? If you're there, please…..please open the door….."

All remained still and quiet. What if she's not even in there, he thought. He knocked again, harder still. "Donna…..Donna,….please!"

"Go home, Harvey."

Her voice disoriented him, coming from behind him, rather than ahead. Confused, he turned around to find Donna in the hallway, keys in hand, a paper grocery bag under her arm, the top of a wine bottle peeking out. Harvey found himself silently thanking her need for a drink now making it impossible for her to avoid him.

"Donna….Please…I…" She walked towards him and then past him, her keys turning in the lock, as she opened her front door. "There's nothing to say Harvey. It's all perfectly clear." Her voice was quiet and flat, so very unlike Donna. As she moved to step inside, he caught her hand, certain if he let the door close, he'd never have another chance.

"No…no it isn't. Please. I'm sorry." He could hear the desperation cracking through his voice. "Please….." He held up the paper in his hand. "Please don't leave."

Donna looked away; her eyes filling with unshed tears. It was too much for her to deal with. She'd been hoping he'd find her note in the morning, by which time she'd have been able to formulate a plan, or at least the start of one. Yet, here he was and it hurt her to look at him.

She turned away, swiping her hand to catch the tears. "Please go, Harvey." She could say the words, but she couldn't bring herself to shut the door, or indeed say them to his face.

Channelling all the courage he had, Harvey stepped over the threshold of her apartment; his need to try and mend the harm he'd caused overruling him, as the alcohol made him bolder. He reached for her, his hands settling on her upper arms, as he stepped close behind her.

"Please Donna…. You can't leave…"

She swallowed and exhaled deeply, trying to regain some control of her emotions, before turning to face him; the person she still found it so hard to say no to.

"I have to Harvey….We can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep doing it. It's too much." Her voice broke on the last sentence and he felt the tears behind his eyes.

"Please…..I need you. I'll always need you….." His voice was no louder than a whisper.

Donna shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. "How? How do you need me? To organise your work calendar and to be the organiser of your emotional life regarding everyone else but me?! I can't Harvey, not anymore. I know that now."

He stared at her, the ground beneath his feet feeling unsteady. She was pulling away and it terrified him. "Donna…..please…..you don't understand…" She moved away, walking further in to her apartment, so he followed her. With a sigh, she held her hands up weakly. "No, I don't understand. What are we doing here Harvey? Do you know? I know I don't!"

The scotch was clouding his head and slowing down his thought process, but he doubted he'd have had an answer, even if he had been sober. She looked to the floor, before meeting his desperate gaze once more.

"You should go." The words eerily echoing his own, in another moment in this very room, one that had perhaps started this wave of change, over a year ago. Panic rose in him again, his stomach tightening with fear. He had two choices in that moment – leave or fight.

"No. I shouldn't." He took a few steps forward until he could reach for her, his hands again on her upper arms, as if anchoring her to the ground, so she wouldn't walk away.

"Harvey…." She looked to the floor, the resolve she'd built up over the last few hours at risk of shattering if she continued to look at him.

He stepped closer to her, his hands remaining on her arms. "Donna…..you can't leave. Not like this…Please…" Her tears were starting to fall, but she knew this was necessary, even though it may break her heart. "I have to," she whispered, her voice breaking.

Harvey felt dizzy. This couldn't be real. He could not let this happen. His right hand left her arm and moved to her chin, tilting her head up to look at him. She looked lost and in pain and it was his fault. He'd never hated himself quite as much as he did now. "No, you don't." Her eyes drew him in and after a moment's hesitation he dipped his head, moving to kiss her.

Donna knew in that split second that she had to stop him. The circumstances were all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Her hands moved from her sides to his chest, palms falling flat against him, giving him a slight push, creating space between them. "We can't do this," she murmured, her heart battling against her head.

"Paula's gone," he stated; so simply, that she couldn't tell what emotion lay behind his words. She closed her eyes again.

\- _How the hell did we get here? In such a damn mess?_

He was so close to her. She just had to let go of her doubts, but she couldn't. "Harvey…we can't."

He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, his emotions all over the place. "I've been an ass,…..haven't I?" Donna wasn't sure if it was a question, or a statement, but she laughed; a small smile on her face, as she wiped away her tears. "I don't think I can let you take all the glory on that one Harvey…..We've both had our less than flattering moments lately….."

It made him smile, his hand on her chin moving to her cheek, to brush away another tear. He'd missed their witty back and forth and his fear eased just a little on seeing that it was still there, despite being neglected for so long.

"You don't know what you want Harvey. You're acting on impulse and fear….and scotch…." She raised an eyebrow, his less than sober state obvious to both of them.

"Donna….." He barely recognised his own voice. Her eyes met his, her hands moving to cup his face. "We need time away from each other. You need to think about how you feel….I need you to be sure…..One way or the other….Okay….?"

He nodded his head slowly, resignation and understanding filling his eyes. "Okay."

He wasn't ready to let go of her, so pulled her in to a hug. "I'm so sorry Donna." It was a whisper in her quiet apartment. "I know," she whispered back. She did know that, but she also needed more. She needed resolution, in whatever way it came, but knew it was only going to be possible if Harvey was ready to face how he felt; about her; about them.

They stood there for what seemed to be a lifetime, before Donna moved back a little. Harvey swallowed, not sure what to say. He knew she was right; that he needed to deal with his feelings and his fears. It was the least she deserved after all these years.

He gave her a sad smile and nodded again, as if reiterating his understanding of her words. She bit her lip and tried to smile back, but she couldn't. It was too much, even for an actress of her ability.

Harvey stepped back, his hands falling to his sides. For the first time in a long time, he felt lost; unsure of himself and his life; knowing he had to give her what she'd asked for, but knowing it might destroy him in the process. He opened his mouth to speak, but had no idea what else to say, so, while he still had the strength to do it, he turned and left her apartment; the sound of the closing door filling her senses.

Donna brought her hand to her mouth and stifled a sob; that had been the hardest choice she'd ever made, her heart aching to go after him, but she knew time apart was the only way. It was up to Harvey now to give her a reason to go back.

She just wasn't sure if that was going to be something he'd ever be ready to do.

…

 _Well, it was never going to be easy in Darvey land, was it?! Time for Harvey to take a long hard look at himself. This is when he needs a proper therapist damn it! Until the next chapter, thanks for reading and let me know what you think!_


	8. Chapter 8

**It's almost the weekend Darvey fans! So, my plan remains to finish this story before 7B, so hopefully I'm still on track for that. Thanks as always for the reviews. It's genuinely lovely to read what you all think of this story. Thanks also to me collaborator on this story, Mary, who always gives me a good idea when I get stuck!**

 **...**

 **Chapter Eight**

Harvey stood under the shower for longer than usual the following morning, as he continued to try and process the events of the night before and indeed of the last few months.

\- _Donna's gone._

The thought echoed in his head over and over again, as it had during his morning run. It was unimaginable to him. After waking up with a sore head, he'd been able to focus on nothing except Donna. True, she hadn't gone completely; she was still in the city and he had managed to repair some of the immediate damage his words had caused, but she had stepped out of his life.

She was still in his thoughts as he arrived at the office, only for the opening doors of the elevator to reveal a very angry Louis Litt waiting for him.

\- _Shit._

He tried to stifle a groan as he stepped out. "Not now Louis."

"Not now?! Not now?!" Louis marched along beside Harvey, as he walked towards his office. "I assume you know? Or is the letter that greeted me this morning still going to be news to you?" His anger was palpable.

"I know Louis," he said quietly, as they passed Donna's empty office, her name on the door, the only part of her remaining. Louis's onslaught continued as they entered Harvey's domain, only to find Mike on the couch, a folder in his hands.

\- _God damn it. Can't I be left alone?!_

"And what are you going to do about it?! This is serious Harvey! You've really fucked up this time!"

Mike frowned. The day was only just starting and he was already missing some significant news. "What's going on?" He was almost too afraid to ask.

"Donna's gone! That's what's going on!" Louis barked at him. Mike looked from him to Harvey, stunned. "Gone?"

"Resigned, quit, left the firm. All because of him!" His finger was pointing in Harvey's general direction, as his anger continued to boil over. Mike said nothing. He had no idea how to respond to the news, immediately wondering if Rachel knew. Something serious must have happened for Donna to make such a decision, literally overnight.

"Louis, get off my back! You have no idea what you're talking about, as usual, so just leave it alone!"

Louis laughed. "Are you leaving it alone Harvey? Or are you going to fix whatever mess you made?"

Harvey closed his eyes. It was too early for this. "I'm done with this conversation Louis," he replied simply. His fellow named partner shook his head, as he stalked towards the door. "You're unbelievable."

Once Louis had left, Mike remained where he was. He'd come to discuss a case, but this development was clearly something he couldn't just ignore. "Harvey…"

"I don't want to talk about it Mike, but thanks." His voice was quiet. Mike sighed. His friend was so stubborn. "Okay. For now…. You want to talk about this case?"

Harvey smiled. Work as a distraction was exactly what he needed to take his mind off the empty office next door.

…

Donna had been expecting the call all morning and it came just about on schedule. "Hi Rach."

"You resigned? What happened? Are you okay?!" Donna smiled at her friend's clear concern. She'd almost called to tell her, but had decided it was just easier to let word spread. The concerned voicemail she'd woken up to from Louis, promising to have Harvey killed if she gave the word, told her it wouldn't be long until her other close friends found out for themselves.

"I'm okay Rach. It's the right decision. It's what I need, what we both need."

"You mean Harvey? Look, my early afternoon deposition was cancelled, so how about lunch? You can talk about it, or we can talk about anything else, including how my mom is starting to drive me wedding crazy. What do you say?"

Donna knew she was lucky to have a friend like Rachel. "I'll see you at 12:30 at our usual place," she replied.

…

Rachel waited until their drinks had arrived before broaching the subject of the day. "I can't believe you resigned Donna. I didn't realise you were that unhappy."

Donna sighed and bit her lip. "I realised staying wasn't going to change anything. We were just getting too good at hurting each other."

"Did something happen yesterday, to make you finally decide?" Rachel couldn't believe Donna would just up and leave overnight without a trigger.

"We had a fight. It was brutal Rach and I…..I knew it was time to put some space between us, before we said something worse." Rachel gave her a sympathetic, encouraging smile. "Was it really that bad?"

Donna sighed. "Yeah Rach. It was. Things were said about my job and….and he said maybe he didn't need me anymore and I realised he might be right."

Rachel shook her head vehemently from side to side. "Donna, of course he needs you! You're a team. He'd be lost without you!" Donna smiled sadly. "Maybe, maybe not. I suppose we'll see."

Rachel refused to believe this would be the end of Donna and Harvey. There was too much love between them, if only it had a chance to flourish. "Have you spoken to him? Since you left?" She knew from Mike that Harvey seemed to already know the news on arriving at the office, so she suspected there was more to the story.

Donna nodded. "He came to my apartment last night; begged me to stay. He said he was sorry and that he'd always need me."

"But isn't that good?"

Her relationship with Harvey had always been complicated, more so than most people realised. "It is Rach and I know he's sorry, but it's not enough. I can't continue living this way, not after that kiss. I can't pretend that there's nothing between us and I need him to acknowledge it. If he can't, or he still isn't willing to risk anything to see if there could be more, then I can live with that, but I need him to at least consider the question."

Rachel nodded. Her friend needed clarity and a way to move forward, with or without Harvey; if this was the only way to push him in to facing the truth of his feelings then she was all for it. She had one concern. "That time…after Logan…..you told me not to push Mike and that you hadn't pushed Harvey because he wasn't ready. What about now? What if he still isn't ready?"

"Then he'll never be ready Rach," Donna replied quietly.

…

The week passed without too much incident at PSL, giving Mike and Rachel time to focus on their upcoming wedding, now only a couple of weeks away. Harvey watched them silently, as they made plans and agreed last minute details as a team, laughing and smiling as they did so. He'd told Mike once that he admired what he had with Rachel and that was true, but he also knew that he was a little jealous of it too; how easy they were with one another, never wavering in their love and support for each other, no matter the odds.

As he observed them on his approach to Mike's office, the voice in his head whispered that perhaps he had that too and could have even more. "Is any work going on in here, or are we branching out from law to wedding planning?" His tone was light and they smiled.

"I'll leave you to it," Rachel commented to Mike, as she left the office. Harvey sensed something was off and he raised an eyebrow at Mike in question. His friend shrugged his shoulders. "She's Donna's friend."

Harvey sighed and took a seat opposite Mike's desk. "It's complicated."

His younger friend shook his head. "I don't think it's as complicated as you think it is. It comes down to two questions. Do you love her and I'm not talking brotherly love and you know it, and if you do, what are you so scared of?"

"Mike…" His tone was tired and a touch irritated. "I know, I know. You don't want to talk about it. Geez." With that, Mike changed the subject to work, all the while wishing he could knock some sense in to the man sitting opposite him.

…

Donna took a seat at the table, her leather document holder in front of her. Her rational mind had told her that she needed to start thinking about her future and if it was to be away from Specter Litt, then she needed to start finding out what her options were. The thought of such a huge change unnerved her and so she'd decided to ease herself in to these conversations – with a friendly face.

Stu gave her a smile, as he passed her a glass of water and poured one for himself. "It's good to see you Donna, but I admit, I'm surprised. You're really leaving the mothership?"

She smiled. Stu had been an obvious first call; she liked him, he respected her and they'd worked well together before, albeit briefly. She also knew he wouldn't bullshit her. "I am and I need to know, realistically, what my options are."

Stu tilted his head in thought and gave her a small shrug. "You are a brilliant woman Red, capable of anything, but if you're asking if I think you'll be able to walk in to another COO role, then I'd have to say no. A senior personnel, managerial-style role, sure, but COO…..that's not so easy."

Donna bit her lip. She'd wanted the honesty and she had it. "Because of what Malik said about me?" She lowered her head, the shame of it filling her.

"No! Screw that asshole. Most people know he's full of bullshit and the way he went after Wall Street, justified or not, he's not on many people's Christmas card lists."

"So…?"

He sighed and gave her a kind smile. "You may have the ability Donna. In fact I'm sure you do, but you don't have the experience in the role for someone who got there in a less traditional way. Had you a few years under your belt at PSL or whatever its name is this week, then you'd have a better shot."

Donna nodded. She wasn't hugely surprised. Stu sensed her frustration. "Hey. There are some pretty decent roles in personnel Donna. It's a managerial position, not just a glorified office manager."

Donna laughed at that. She'd used that exact description with Harvey. "I could make a few calls. See what's out there?" She smiled. He was a great guy. "Thanks Stu, I'd appreciate that."

His expression changed to one of concern. "What's going on Donna? Must be significant for you to be considering this type of change."

"I just need to know that I have more options than just the firm…" He nodded, but his ability to read people was part of his job and he knew there was more to it. "And more than just Harvey?"

Donna smiled sadly. "Maybe. Things change Stu. You'll do some digging for me?" Stu smiled. Donna was an incredible woman and he'd made his interest in her very clear, but he knew his chances were slim to none. He could however do this for her. "Of course. Give me a few days."

Donna rose from her chair and offered him her hand, which he shook firmly. "Thanks Stu." As she turned to go, he called her name, causing her to look back.

"Don't doubt yourself Donna." She smiled and gave him a small nod, before leaving.

…

Harvey found himself staring at his phone the next morning; the internal struggle he'd been having the last few days continuing.

\- _Do I call her? See how she's doing?_

He honestly had no idea and he'd almost pressed her number numerous times, changing his mind at the last second. God, he was pathetic.

"Excuse me, Mr Specter, but there's someone here to see you who isn't on your schedule for the day." He glanced up at his secretary, who had been a recommendation from Gretchen. She was very good, but it just reminded him of how much he missed Donna.

"Who is it?" There were some people he'd make time for, but others, well, there was a long list of others….

"Someone you owe a favour."

He looked towards the door, to find Scottie leaning against its frame, head tilted to one side, a smirk on her face. He smiled and nodded to his secretary that she could go.

"It's been a while Scottie. What do you need?" At this point in his turbulent life, he had no idea if he was pleased to see her or not.

"I need your help with a case and you owe me," she replied simply, moving to lean against the window ledge next to his desk. "If you're calling in a favour, I'm guessing I'm not going to like it."

\- _Great. Another complication._

She smiled and raised her eyebrows. "Well, you always like a challenge Harvey and this case is certainly that." He sighed. "Fine. Fill me in," he replied, gesturing for her to take a seat. Maybe it was exactly the challenge he needed.

…

Rachel batted Mike's hand away from the food she was serving up. With him around, it would never make it to the table. Her mother entered and smiled at the familiar domestic scene before her.

"I can manage Rachel. Go and sit down."

"No Mom. You always insist that we come here for dinner, so the least I can do is help you. Mike, go and keep my dad company."

Mike knew not to argue in these situations, so silently made his way through to the dining room, where Robert was opening a bottle of wine. It was a relief to him that they were on decent terms again, following the discovery by her family of his secret. He knew he was lucky to have avoided Robert's fist in his face.

"How's business Mike? Harvey and Louis killed one another yet?"

Mike smiled. "Not yet, but there's still time." Robert chuckled to himself, as Rachel and her mother appeared with the food. "So, is everything ready for the big day honey?" Her mother had been, unsurprisingly, thrilled that the wedding was back on at The Plaza and had been very keen to be involved as much as possible. "Almost Mom, just a few little kinks to work out."

"What about a rehearsal dinner?"

Rachel cast her eyes to Mike. They really didn't see the point of having a rehearsal dinner. "Mom, we just thought we could have a quiet family dinner. No huge fuss."

Her father smiled. It sounded sensible to him and he liked the idea of a small family affair before the big event. "Well, you could extend it to the bridal party? We could have it here."

Mike caught his fiancé's eyes again and raised his eyebrows. "Just the family might be a better idea," he ventured delicately. He really had no idea how Donna and Harvey in a room together would play out at the wedding. In a smaller group, it could be a minefield.

"Why? Is there a problem?" Rachel's mother had a frown on her face, concern that something could ruin the celebrations flashing through her mind. Robert leaned forward in his chair, a look of interest on his face. "Just the family? Interesting….." He wasn't a fool, as he started to join the dots.

Mike gave an uncomfortable smile and politely asked for the vegetables to be passed to him. Harvey would actually kill him, if he discussed his personal life with Robert Zane.

…

"Do you look as bad as you sound Harvey, because you sound like shit?"

Jessica's amused tone carried down the phone to him the following day, causing Harvey to sigh and shake his head. "Good to talk to you too Jessica. How's Chicago?"

"Cold."

He smiled at his desk. He missed his friend, but she seemed happy and that was what mattered most to him. "I need a favour Harvey."

He sat up a little straighter in his chair at those words. For Jessica to ask so honestly, he knew it must be serious. "What do you need?"

"I'm having a little trouble here. I could use your help."

She was being vague and it made him uneasy. "Another law firm? Because of Malik?" He could feel his guilt rising closer to the surface.

"No. It's more of a political problem, involving the Mayor's office. I've set up a meeting in a few days."

"I'll be there." He didn't need to think twice. If Jessica needed him then that's where he needed to be, with one caveat. "I need to be back for the wedding. Mike will be pissed if his Best Man skips out on him."

He made arrangements with Jessica and was about to hang up when she caught him off guard. "And while you're here, you are going to tell me what's going on Harvey." He sighed. We'll see about that, he thought.

…

The next couple of days saw Harvey caught up helping Scottie, but his mind kept returning to the only person that really mattered.

It was getting late. He always felt calmer when looking out at the city skyline and he found himself spending yet another night, alone with his thoughts, now that the case was over and his distraction had disappeared.

His mind drifted back to Donna, wishing she were there with him. It wasn't the same without her. He wasn't the same.

"So…..Donna got her own office? I've been meaning to bring that up."

Scottie's voice broke Harvey from his thoughts and he turned in the chair, the light in the office low, with only the side lamp in the corner turned on.

\- _Sitting here alone in the dark. Yeah, that's not pathetic at all._

"And beside yours too? Why am I not surprised?"

Scottie stepped in to Donna's office and Harvey stood up from her chair, moving to lean against the window ledge, his arms folding defensively across his chest as he watched Scottie approach. "What's on your mind Scottie?"

She moved across the room to stand next to him. He sounded tired and he hadn't been himself these last few days.

"Where is she, Harvey?" Every time she'd come to the office during the case, Donna had been nowhere to be seen and now here was Harvey, sitting alone in her office. It didn't take Einstein to know something had happened.

"We're not talking about this," he replied simply, a small smile on his face. She quirked an eyebrow and shook her head.

"You know Harvey, it took me a long time to accept it, but I realised it would never have worked between us. Not in the long term."

He turned to the side to look at her. "Has meeting Mr Scott helped you realise that?"

She smiled and gave him a small laugh, dropping her head to look at the wedding ring on her finger, before meeting Harvey's amused eyes and fixing him with a serious look. "Yes, I'm happy. You'd probably get along if you met him, but that wasn't what I meant and you know it Specter!"

"Scottie….." He was tired. A lecture from Dana Scott was not what he needed right now.

"It's always been her Harvey. Hasn't it?"

He looked away from her, his eyes fixed on the door, the object now taunting him by the presence of her name upon its surface. Scottie observed him. He'd changed so much over the years. She'd once told Donna that maybe he'd changed too much for her. The cocky young man, who she'd tried so desperately to get close to, was gone. He'd grown up, lost some of that arrogance of his youth, but it hadn't been her who'd changed him and it was only now that she was able to acknowledge that she wasn't whom he needed; whom he'd always needed.

She squeezed his shoulder. "Thanks for the help. We're even." Easing herself off the ledge, she moved across the room towards the door, pausing in the entrance. "You should try and be happy some time Harvey. I think you'd enjoy it."

With that, she walked out of the office, to go home to the man she loved, hoping that the man she used to love, who would always have a piece of her heart, would one day allow himself the same happiness.

…

Harvey shook his head at the craziness of even Scottie weighing in on his feelings. He'd laugh if it weren't so messed up.

Slipping his phone from his pocket, he pressed 1 on his speed dial and let the phone ring. It went straight to voicemail. Maybe she's in the theatre, he thought, as her voice on her answer message filled his ears and his heart. He couldn't help but smile.

"Hey…..Just wanted to see how you were…No need to call back. I'm heading to Chicago to help Jessica with something, so I guess I'll see you at the wedding...I…."

He paused, longing to be able to talk to her, not her voicemail. He sighed, before speaking again. "…..Night Donna," he whispered quietly, before ending the call and eventually heading for home.

…

 _That's it for now. Although this remains mine and I think Mary's (I hope anyway) ideal 7B, I added Stu, knowing he's almost certainly not going to appear, but I feel if Donna really does leave, she'd have to see what else was out there and I love Stu, so saw it as a chance to bring him back! Do let me know what you think!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Happy Sunday Darvey fans! We may still be waiting for an airdate for 7B, but in this story, which is my suggestion for 7B, we have reached the finale (and I think it's my longest chapter yet)! A very big thanks to Mary, with whom I have exchanged ideas, suggestions and dialogue for this chapter, making it a truly team effort! If you enjoy it, do leave a review, as I'd love to know which bits people particularly liked. Thanks again for all support! :)**

 **...**

 **Chapter Nine**

Harvey tightened his scarf more tightly around his neck as he exited Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, spotting the Lexus waiting for him. Slipping in to the back passenger seat, he acknowledged his friend.

"You couldn't have moved somewhere warmer. Hawaii maybe?"

Jessica smiled as the car pulled away from the airport. "You can suggest it to Jeff…..Thanks for making the trip Harvey."

He nodded, giving her a smile. "What's up Jessica?" She sighed. "Let's talk over a drink."

…

Mike greeted Donna at reception with a smile. "Having to sign you in isn't right Donna."

She smiled warmly. "I don't technically work here anymore Mike. I couldn't keep my security pass."

He shook his head as they walked towards his office. "Oh, please. Your name is still on your door…..How are you doing?" He gave her a knowing smile.

"I'm fine, Mike. Taking time for myself, which is something I haven't done for a long time, but Rachel said she needed a hand with some last minute wedding plans, so, here I am."

Mike raised his eyebrows. "And the fact Harvey is out of the office has nothing to do with you coming in now?"

She gave him a playful shove. "We need some time Mike. He needs it." He nodded, hoping she was right about this. She knew Harvey better than any of them; he just hoped this wasn't the time she misread the situation.

Rachel was making her way towards his office, so to his relief, the subject changed as Rachel beamed at her friend. "Come on. Let's go."

"What about me?" Mike asked, mildly confused. "Don't pretend you want to be involved in flowers and table settings. We both know you don't."

He smirked at his wife-to-be and disappeared back in to his office. "It was good to see you Donna."

…

Jessica passed Harvey a glass of scotch and took a seat next to him on the couch. It was a couple of days later and they were celebrating their victory. "Is this where you thank me for saving your ass?" He said it with a smirk and she shook her head, mildly amused.

"No!"

"You're no fun Jessica." She sipped her drink, before giving him a serious look. "Shouldn't you be thanking me Harvey?" He frowned, confused at her comment. "For giving you a distraction from whatever it is that has happened in New York."

"How did….?"

"I had a call with Louis about Keating's case and he was more than happy to tell me you were intent on screwing everything up. His words." She raised an eyebrow, entertained now that she didn't need to be in between the two of them.

Harvey sighed. "Wonderful. He needs to stay out of my business."

Jessica chuckled and topped up his drink. "Donna leaving is firm business Harvey, even if the reason was personal, which I assume it was."

Harvey put his glass down on the table and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You want to know what happened." It was a statement, not a question. "I don't need to know what happened Harvey. It's everything that has led up to this that is more important and I was paying attention all those years. The question is what you want to do about it."

"I don't want to be my parents." He said it quietly, more to himself than to her. She tilted her head and frowned. "Not all relationships fail. They're not perfect either, I can tell you that for a fact, but some are built to last."

Harvey met his friend's eyes. She'd been the closest person he had to family for such a long time and her words meant something to him. She gave him a knowing smile. "I once told you to imagine your life without her. I think it's time you do that again."

Harvey looked to the floor and closed his eyes. He knew the answer to that; he couldn't imagine his life without Donna.

…

"So…..not planning on skipping out tomorrow?" Harvey gave a smirk as he poured another glass of scotch and passed one to Mike. They were spending the night before the wedding at his apartment.

"Funny, Harvey. Funny." Mike sipped the scotch, sitting back in one of Harvey's leather chairs. Harvey smiled and sat down in the other. "Seriously Mike. I'm happy for you, both of you."

Mike gave him a nod of thanks, before fixing him with a more serious expression. "As my Best Man, Harvey, I've got something to say and this time you're gonna hear me out. Consider it a wedding gift!" He smiled and Harvey raised his eyes. "All jokes aside…"

Harvey eyed Mike warily; knowing where the conversation was heading; the long overdue topic, the one conversation he'd never permitted with Mike, other than the occasional joke…. "Donna?" He took a sip of scotch, knowing he'd need it.

"Yes…..Donna…" Mike stated gingerly. He looked towards Harvey, waiting for the inevitable shut down of the conversation.

Silence.

"Oh my god. No witty comebacks or denial? You're finally ready to talk this out…? Man to man, no holds barred?"

Harvey sighed. "What do you want to know?" He smirked at Mike, before taking another sip of scotch, partially revelling in the fact that he had surprised his friend and caught him off guard. "I'm betting you know a hell of a lot already; maybe more than I do."

Mike shook his head and smirked. "Okay, I admit….I know _some_ details." He saw Harvey arch an eyebrow. "Hey…..what?! _OUR_ significant others are best friends, what do you expect? Girls talk Harvey!"

Harvey chuckled. "Significant others? Really, Mike?"

"What would you prefer I called Donna? Your former lover? Future wife?" He eyed Harvey cautiously, knowing he was pushing his luck. Harvey shot Mike a surprised glare, regretting he'd let the conversation get off the ground.

\- _What the hell was I thinking? He knows about that? Shit._

Mike, however, was determined to talk after years of rebuffs and continued boldly with his train of thought. "Seriously Harvey! It's time."

"Time for what?"

"Time to make your move. You've both waited long enough, for God knows what reasons! Plus, I collect some serious cash in the pool we've got going on the two of you. That's _IF_ ….you get your shit together by the wedding tomorrow, or at the wedding. Either way works for me."

Harvey leaned forward in his chair, running a hand through his hair. This was ridiculous. "A pool? There's a pool? Jesus, don't you all have better things to be doing?!"

Mike chuckled. "Don't change the subject." Harvey remained silent, unsure quite what to say.

"Don't you miss her?" Mike prodded, gently. Harvey's head shot up. "Of course I do, but she said we needed time apart."

"I think why she suggested that, is probably more important…isn't it?" Harvey sighed. "What do you want me to say Mike?!" He sounded tired, sad and Mike realised, afraid.

"It may sound cheesy, but, how about how you feel? You may actually feel better if you get it off your chest."

"Mike…." His response was tinged in exasperation.

"You know….., this is why people go to a therapist…"

" _MIKE!_ " Harvey was not seeing the funny side and Mike raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry, that was a cheap shot."

Harvey rubbed his forehead with his hand, as if easing a headache. "It's always been so complicated. It was easier to just let things…be….," he replied quietly.

Mike nodded. "Was it really so complicated?"

Harvey stood up and walked over to pour himself another scotch. "She had her rule." On seeing Mike's curious look, he elaborated, much to his own astonishment. "Not to get involved with men she worked with."

His friend frowned. "But haven't you…" He trailed off, discovering he actually wasn't too keen on discussing the details. It was too weird when it was about Donna.

Harvey closed his eyes, the discomfort clear in his body language. He didn't do this – talk about his private life and not about that night with Donna. He'd never told anyone, although he suspected Jessica had worked it out. "We didn't work together then and when she agreed to come to the firm, she was very clear – we were never to think of it again."

Mike raised his eyebrows in surprise. "And you were okay with that arrangement?" He found it hard to imagine Harvey giving in so easily.

"I don't know. Maybe. That was the deal on the table if she was going to work for me again."

Mike nodded, the pieces starting to come together. "And you didn't want to risk one for the other?"

Harvey stared out at the city, his silence speaking volumes. Mike was about to speak when he broke the silence himself. "I've never wanted to lose her Mike." His voice was quiet, quieter than Mike had ever heard it. "With her, it's different…."

"Because you love her?"

Harvey didn't respond, so Mike stood and joined him by the window, helping himself to more scotch, before speaking again. "She left the firm Harvey. It seems you're risking losing her anyway. Maybe it's time to take a chance. You have everything to gain."

Harvey glanced at his friend. "Since when did you become the wise one giving out life advice?" He said it with a smile on his face, which Mike returned. "Since I got everything in life I wanted."

Sensing the mood in the room was becoming a bit too serious Mike decided to lighten the tone. "Just think Harvey…..If I hadn't fallen in to your life, you'd still be a dick! I've helped make you a man worthy of Donna!"

He raised a glass in Harvey's direction, a smug look across his face. Shaking his head, Harvey simply rolled his eyes.

…

Rachel helped herself to another strawberry, as Donna poured the champagne. They had both checked in to The Plaza the night before the wedding, meaning they were able to enjoy breakfast and a calm couple of hours that morning before Rachel's mother and the wedding stylists arrived.

"Don't let me drink too much of this Donna! I have to walk down the aisle in a straight line and I already have a headache."

Her friend smiled. "Don't worry. As your Maid of Honour, it is my duty to ensure you arrive at the ceremony in one, relatively sober, piece." Laughing, she gave Rachel a wink.

Rachel beamed. She looked happier than Donna had ever seen her. "Well, as my Maid of Honour, you are also obligated to do as you are told…"

Donna lowered the champagne flute from her lips, puzzled. "Rach…?"

"Allow yourselves to be happy Donna. Give in to it…" There was a playful glint in her eyes and Donna blushed, despite herself.

"Give in to…. _it_?" She arched an eyebrow on the final word and Rachel practically giggled, before turning more serious. "Being in love….Believe me. I highly recommend it!"

Donna gave her a smile. "I don't know if we're ready Rach." Rachel reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "I think in your heart you know you are and I think he knows it too."

Donna didn't reply, as her mind thought of Harvey and whether the time he'd had recently had made anything clearer. Her heart told her to take a chance, but she needed Harvey to be the one to act next. She'd taken her risk that night in her office.

Rachel's voice brought her from her thoughts. "Have you spoken to him…..since your apartment…the night you left?"

Donna shook her head. "He called when I was at the theatre with Louis. He left a message saying he was wondering how I was. Said he'd see me at the wedding. He sounded sad Rach." Guilt tinged her voice.

"Hey. You have no reason to feel guilty. You were right to step away when you did."

"I know," she whispered. A thought crossed her mind at that moment and she laughed, refusing to bring the happy atmosphere down. "Crazy truth of the day – I'm probably more nervous about seeing Harvey today than you are about seeing Mike!"

Rachel popped another strawberry in to her mouth, before laughing too. "Don't worry Donna. I'll make sure you reach the ceremony in one, relatively sober, piece!"

Donna found herself relaxing, allowing herself to laugh too. There had been so much tension and anger recently. Enough was enough.

"Do you know what I'd love right now?" Rachel suddenly asked, as she bit in to another strawberry. Her friend gave her a curious look. "What?"

"Whipped cream! I wonder if they have any?"

Donna couldn't hold back the laughter that bubbled up inside her at the reference, her hand covering her mouth, as she tried to control herself. Rachel tilted her head, suddenly both amused and intrigued.

"Care to let me in on the joke?" Donna hesitated. "Remember the rules of the day – you have to do as you're told. _So….?_ "

Donna bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. Harvey would kill her. She was almost certain of that. "Let's just say whipped cream played a pivotal role…. _that night_ …" Reaching for the champagne, she finished the glass as a reward for her brave admission.

"What night?"

Donna quirked her eyebrow playfully in her direction and Rachel took a moment, her mind working through Donna's words, until the look of confusion became one of realisation.

" _Nooooooooo! Donnnnna! Oh My God!_ You mean…that night with…." She couldn't stop the giggles. "Don, you do realise I won't be able to look at Harvey without _that_ image, ever again?!"

"And to think Rach, I've had the same image and had to sit feet away from him for 13 years…"

They both burst out laughing, two friends, relaxed and enjoying their time together. Donna tried to compose herself after a few minutes. "I think I've said quite enough on the subject already!"

"Not even close," Rachel threw back immediately.

…

The private function room of The Plaza was filled with the happy chatter of guests, as the space continued to fill with friends and family of the bride and groom. It wasn't quite the mammoth guest list Rachel's mother had initially proposed, but there were still more people there than Mike felt necessary. Anything for a quiet life, he thought, as he adjusted his bowtie for what must have been the hundredth time.

"You're actually nervous, aren't you?" Harvey's amused tone from his left made him smile. "No! I just want everything to go smoothly."

"You mean compared to the last one?" Harvey added helpfully, a glint in his eye. "Thanks for bringing it up again Harvey. Do me a favour and don't remind Robert, or Laura."

"Got it."

As the time for the ceremony grew nearer, they left the greeting duties and moved towards the front of the room to have a final discussion with the celebrant. He'd never admit it to Mike, but Harvey felt rather proud of him. Mike may have made that quip the night before about being good for Harvey, but his friend knew they had been good for each other.

There was activity at the back of the room, as guests were ushered quickly in to seats and Laura Zane appeared, settling herself in to her own. Harvey turned to Mike, moving to stand next to him. "You ready for this?"

Mike smiled. "You bet."

Before Harvey could give any form of witty comeback, the music started to play and the doors at the back of the room opened, as everyone stood up.

All eyes in the room were on Rachel and her father, as he escorted her slowly down the aisle; all eyes except Harvey's.

He felt his breath leave him as he focussed on Donna, walking ahead of her friend, full of poise and elegance. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, a genuine smile upon her face; hair pinned to the side and a black dress that fit her perfectly. She was stunning and he found it impossible to focus on anything else. It had only been a couple of weeks, but in that moment he realised just how much he had missed her. Sensing his intense gaze, her eyes met his and she felt herself blush, while Harvey was grateful he wasn't required to speak any time soon.

Before he could process what was happening, they had reached the front of the room and Rachel took her place beside Mike, whose grin could have powered all of Manhattan. Donna stepped to the side, opposite him.

"Friends, family, loved ones of Michael Ross and Rachel Zane, we are all here to witness the marriage of Mike and Rachel and to share in their love and happiness."

Donna looked on, a lump already forming in her throat, so happy to finally see her two friends getting married.

"Rachel and Mike, you have written your own vows?" On a nod from both of them, the celebrant smiled and motioned for them to continue. Rachel dipped her head and blushed, before reaching for Mike's hands.

"Mike, today I marry my best friend." She swallowed, her eyes watering. "Your belief in me gives me strength, your warmth gives me comfort and your love gives me more happiness than I ever imagined was possible."

Donna bit her lip, trying to hold back her own tears, while conscious of the man standing across from her, who she was too afraid to look at in that moment. She wasn't sure her heart could take it.

Rachel paused, her voice wavering with emotion. "You are my love, my life, my more, my forever."

Donna felt her chest tighten.

\- _Her more…_

She held the bouquet in her hands tighter, as if hoping it would somehow steady her. The words echoed through her head. She'd wanted more and had believed it could be fulfilled by work alone. She could now see so clearly that her life needed more than a new position. She wanted a love like Mike and Rachel's. As if a reflex, her eyes looked to the man across from her, only to find him already staring at her, his brown eyes softer than she'd ever seen them.

Rachel turned to her then and she remembered she had a role to play, passing her friend the wedding ring, which Rachel placed on Mike's finger, their hands interlinking.

The celebrant smiled. "Mike?"

The young lawyer swallowed and held Rachel's hands. "Rachel, from the moment I met you, I knew you were like no woman I had ever known. As I got to know you, I knew there would never be anyone else for me, but you."

He paused to take a breath, the emotion of the moment threatening to overcome him. Standing by his side, Harvey felt his heart ache, his mind flashing back to a bar over 13 years ago.

"You have stood by my side and never faltered. You brought back the joy of family to my life and your unwavering loyalty, love and support have not only seen me through my hardest challenges, but have made me a better man."

Rachel was unable to stop her tears from falling and Mike's voice faltered on seeing her cry, even though they were tears of happiness. "I promise to love, honour, cherish and support you, through the best of times and through the worst of times. You are my constant." He gave her a smile, as he took a final pause.

"And, as a good friend recently said to me about their soulmate, with you, it's different. You are the love of my life Rachel."

Harvey felt light-headed. He closed his eyes momentarily, remembering his recent talk with Mike, but his mind was suddenly back in her apartment, over a year before.

\- _With you, it's different….._

With a sharp intake of breath, he opened his eyes, searching out the red headed woman across from him. Her eyes met his and he was sure her mouth opened in recognition of the words, or was that just what he was hoping?

\- _Oh, Donna._

He ached to reach out to her, to make a connection after so much hurt and confusion.

Mike nudged him, with an expectant expression on his face, mixed with what Harvey was certain was a sly smile. Saying nothing, he passed his friend the ring he had in his pocket and looked on as, moments later, Mike and Rachel were pronounced husband and wife. The room broke in to applause, as the two shared a tender kiss.

As the newlyweds moved to make their way down the aisle, Harvey and Donna stood still as statues, staring at each other, neither quite sure what to do. Harvey regained enough awareness to know they were expected to move and offered Donna his arm, so that they could follow the happy couple. She smiled, a little embarrassed and linked her arm through his.

\- _Get a grip of yourself Donna. It's only Harvey. You're not a teenager, for God's sake!_

She kept her eyes focussed straight ahead, not daring to look at him, the intensity of the last few moments still having hold of her emotions.

\- _I didn't imagine that, did I? He must have felt that too?_

Harvey was having his own battle with his emotions, as the words and memories swirled around his mind.

\- _I need some air._

He chanced a glance at Donna, her arm through his, but her focus was straight ahead, so he couldn't even try to read what she was thinking.

\- _What the hell are we doing?!_

As his thoughts became clearer, he knew more than anything else, he needed to talk to her, ideally right now, before he lost his nerve.

They followed behind Mike and Rachel and were guided through in to a side room, where the new Mr and Mrs Ross were being asked to sign the register. They looked so happy and Harvey smiled, glancing at the woman currently on his arm. He opened his mouth to speak, when the celebrant called them across to sign as witnesses. Donna finally glanced at him. She looked younger, giving him a shy glance, before letting go of his arm and moving across the room ahead of him to sign. He sighed and followed her, determined to focus on the joy of the moment.

Harvey gave his friend a hug. "Congratulations Mike." Leaning past him, he offered Rachel his congratulations too. She was beaming. "Thank you Harvey. I hope you two are ready to help get this party started!"

Donna smiled and hugged her friend tightly. "Just have a wonderful day and don't worry about a thing. Leave everything to me!"

"I think I can manage that!" Rachel laughed and Donna found it contagious. She looked between Mike and Rachel and then suggested that they give them a few minutes to themselves. "We'll start greeting the guests. Take your time."

With that, she gave Harvey a look, which he understood meant he should follow her and so he did. They exited the room in to the corridor and she moved to walk away. "Donna….?" She looked back at him, hearing the hesitancy in his voice and found herself nervous about what he wanted to say, so she did what had worked so well in the past – she cut him off. "The guests won't greet themselves Harvey!"

He sighed and silently followed her, putting on his game face to exchange pleasantries with people he had no interest in talking to. As they shook hands and smiled, he couldn't help watching how at ease Donna seemed. She was always so good at events like this.

Rachel and Mike soon joined them and as a four, they ensured everyone was welcomed to the reception. The couple had decided on having some time before dinner, in order to be able to talk with their guests and so the room was filled with chatter and the sound of champagne bottles opening.

Donna stepped up to the role of Maid of Honour, keeping an eye on the catering staff and waiters, while monitoring the gift table and anything Rachel needed, while Harvey found himself to be the recipient of the many cash gifts that some guests had chosen to gift to the couple. No matter with whom he was talking, his attention was always drawn back to Donna.

\- _God, she looks incredible._

He saw her laugh, as she shared a joke with Jessica and Sheila and he smiled. "You still with us, Harvey?" He rolled his eyes at the sound of Mike's voice.

"I'd give you shit, Mike, but it's your wedding day and I actually have class." Mike laughed, patting him on the back and walking away with a wink.

\- _He thinks he's so damn clever._

…

As dinner was soon to be served, Donna decided to take a quick trip to her room, to pick up some essential make-up and painkillers for Rachel. Not wanting to miss anything, she was hurrying back towards the elevator, when she practically bumped in to Harvey.

He looked a little embarrassed to be caught unawares, motioning his hand back down the corridor. "It seems part of my role today is to collect the cash gifts. I was dropping them in the safe for Mike." Donna nodded; she'd known this was one of Harvey's jobs. She tried to think of a witty response, but found herself lacking inspiration.

"We should be back downstairs," she murmured, pressing the button to call the elevator. Standing there, side-by-side, neither knew what to say, the air around them fused with a new, heightened tension following the wedding ceremony.

Harvey glanced to the side at her. "I missed you." He felt a little ridiculous saying it, but it was the truth and he needed her to know. He saw her swallow, before she glanced back. "Me too."

The ping of the elevator broke the moment and they stepped inside. They had to talk; he'd been running away for too long and he was tired of it. What good had it achieved? She was slipping away from him, right when he'd been so glaringly reminded that she was all that mattered.

\- _Screw it…._

The doors slid shut and the elevator began its descent, as Donna turned back towards him, having turned away to press their desired floor on the panel.

She didn't have time to see it coming; to anticipate Harvey's actions, as in a split-second his lips were on hers.

The unexpected move almost caused her to lose her balance and she dropped her clutch bag in surprise.

His lips were soft and warm, the gentlest of pressure against her own, as her eyes closed on reflex. She felt his hand at her waist drawing her closer, as the other cupped her cheek.

Harvey half surprised himself with his actions, but he certainly didn't regret them, as his body and mind caught up to the reality that he was kissing Donna, as if an electrical charge was running through his body. It took a few terrifying moments, before he felt her relax against him, her hand moving up his chest to settle at the back of his neck, running through his hair, as she returned his kiss. He couldn't think about anything other than how good this felt; how right it felt and how he didn't want to stop.

The need for air saw them breaking the contact reluctantly, both trying to catch their breath. "Harvey….." Donna's voice wavered, the shock still clear on her face. Harvey smiled, a hand still against her cheek. "Now you know how I felt!" His eyes were twinkling with humour and she smiled, resting her forehead against his, a hand of her own moving to his jawline.

"We're talking about this later tonight…okay?" His voice was calm and soft and certain and for the first time in weeks, she felt at ease. "Okay," she murmured.

They'd both almost forgotten they were even in an elevator, as the doors slid open on their desired floor and they had yet to move from their current position, wrapped up in one another's arms, when a familiar voice brought them back to reality.

"I…Need…A….Day….!"

They glanced to the open doors to find Louis's confused, bemused face. Their friend chuckled and seeing another elevator arriving, disappeared out of sight, as Donna buried her face against Harvey's shoulder to contain her laughter.

Harvey chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "You think he suspects anything?" His playful question only made Donna laugh harder.

…

"Where did you two get to?" Mike's curious voice greeted them as they made their way back towards the ballroom's entrance. Harvey rolled his eyes. "Running errands for you."

Mike smiled, as did Rachel next to him. "Well, you need to introduce us, so, after you!"

Donna chuckled. "We're right on time," she replied self-assuredly and moved ahead and entered the ballroom, followed by Harvey.

Rachel watched them and smiled. "Something's going on there." Mike turned to his wife. "Isn't there always with those two crazy kids?!" Rachel laughed. "I mean….. something new."

Before Mike could respond, they heard Harvey's voice announcing the new Mr and Mrs Ross. Mike held out his hand to her. "Shall we?"

…

Dinner was served, with free-flowing wine and much laughter, with Harvey stealing a glance every so often in Donna's direction. Sometimes she noticed, her broad smile filling him with warmth, causing him to smile too.

After the meal and the speeches, Mike led Rachel on to the dance floor for their first dance. The room clapped as the happy couple held each other close and the music played.

Once a few minutes had passed, Harvey held out his hand to Donna, who looked at him with surprised eyes. "Harvey?"

"Well…it's tradition, isn't it? The Best Man and the Maid of Honour on the dance floor?"

Donna smiled. "Yes, yes it is," she whispered, taking his hand, receiving the Harvey Specter smile in return, the one she'd always loved.

Reaching the dance floor, they fit together like a glove. "You know….this is our first time…." Her words startled Harvey, whose brows knitted together in confusion. "I mean, our first dance," Donna added quickly, on seeing his perplexed look, a small smile on her lips. Harvey's face relaxed and he drew her closer. "Why is that, do you think?"

"I think…..we know why." Her voice was soft and Harvey nodded. "It became our unwritten rule, didn't it? Not touching?" As the words left his mouth, his thumb started to caress her waist, the sensation better than any drug.

"Donna…..?" Her gaze met his, the ballroom lights catching her eyes and adding to their sparkle. "Yes…Harvey….."

"All these years….there were so many times, I've wanted to hold you…..like this….but…."

Donna's eyes watered. "I know Harvey. I felt it too…." He nodded, a warm smile on his face as they continued their slow dance to the music. Donna felt light-headed, the reality of being in his arms seeming like a dream.

Harvey was no longer aware of anyone else in the room, other than Donna. She took his breath away and all he wanted to do was kiss her. As if reading his mind, Donna smirked. "We better not upstage the bride and groom!"

A sigh left Harvey's lips and a downcast expression crossed his face, as he rested his forehead against hers. "I've been a damn fool Donna…all these years…being too damn scared and for what?!"

Donna tilted her head and let her hand slide further up his shoulder, slowly gliding in to the hairs at the back of his neck. "Harvey…..Hey, look at me. There were two of us in this all these years. We were both as afraid as each other to make a move and I had my rule. It's not your fault, or mine. It's the past."

Her voice was calm and soothed him, just as she'd always been able to do. "Donna…I don't want to waste another minute." It was one of the most open statements he'd ever said to her and it made her smile. "Me neither," she murmured.

Across the room, Rachel kissed Mike softly, her arms around his neck, as his encircled her waist. "I love you." His broad smile gave her butterflies. "I love you too Mrs Ross."

She kissed him again, before glancing over his shoulder, her eyes landing on two very familiar figures also on the dance floor. She studied their body language, how close they were as they danced, the way they were looking at each other as they spoke. "I think there's been a breakthrough."

Mike moved back from her a little, a frown on his face. "I don't…understand." She turned them slightly, so their friends came in to view. "Ohhh…..right. Now, _that_ is interesting." He laughed lightly. "You'd think they had just got married, not us!"

Rachel laughed too. "Only a matter of time."

…

Donna was returning from checking on the bridal suite, when Rachel caught her arm. "We're getting a drink," she said giddily, while dragging Donna to the bar, where she asked for a glass of wine for Donna and water for herself. "You okay Rach?"

"Fine. I still have this headache, so holding off the drinks for a while." She focussed her gaze squarely on her friend. "Anyway, we're talking about _you_ right now!" Her eyebrow rose suggestively and Donna laughed. "Today's _your_ day Rach!"

"True! So make my day and tell me everything!"

Donna smirked. "I have absolutely _NO_ idea what you are talking about Mrs Ross."

Rachel raised her eyebrow. "Oh, so that's how you're gonna play this….?! Come on! I saw you both, with my own eyes…on the dance floor."

Donna sipped her wine. "What? It was a dance…it's tradition." She tried to play it down, but found herself smiling.

"I know what I saw Donna! And the way you were with each other…what's next?! You know I won't be offended if you want to go to bed early….." Rachel's suggestive tone made Donna laugh along with her.

"Rach! This is _YOUR_ big day! I wouldn't want to miss a minute of it!" She glanced across the room, smirking. "Besides, Harvey can wait. I'm sure another few hours won't kill him."

Rachel couldn't contain her laughter. "Are you sure? He's talking to Mike, while staring over here right now…the poor guy has waited 13 years Donna!"

She shrugged. "His choice." Pausing, she took another sip of her wine. "Don't feel sorry for him Rach. It'll be worth the wait…..!"

"You're terrible," Rachel giggled.

…

Across the room, Mike looked at his friend next to him, noticing his eyes were elsewhere. " _So….?_ "

"So…..what?"

Mike gave him an exasperated look. "Come on Harvey! We're past your bullshit on this. You and Donna…getting jiggy with it on the dance floor?!"

Harvey rolled his eyes. "Seriously Mike? It's not Saturday Night Fever or a Will Smith music video!"

"More like Dirty Dancing from what I saw earlier," Mike retorted.

"Oh, please."

Mike put his arm around Harvey's shoulder. "But it could be. Donna does have a room in this hotel….."

"And….your point is?" Harvey questioned, as if thoroughly bored with Mike's juvenile behaviour, even though he knew exactly what the point was; the images he'd been trying to keep out of his head all night to stop him losing his mind.

"You know you want to, old man. Just take the plunge!"

"Hey! Less of the old," he shot back, as he stared over at Donna, wishing they were alone. Mike smiled. "Seriously Harvey. I'm happy for you, you and Donna. It's about time."

Harvey smiled, as his eyes met Donna's and she smiled. "Thanks Mike," he replied, his own smile growing broader.

…

I'm happy for you, baby." Robert Zane's voice was full of warmth and love, as he enjoyed a dance with his daughter later that night. "Thanks Dad," she replied. "And thank you for helping make today so special. It's been wonderful."

"Oh, you're welcome Rachel. All that matters is that you're happy. That's all I've ever wanted." She smiled, her eyes watering. "I am."

Jessica and Harvey watched them from a table across the room, enjoying a scotch. Jessica smiled; it was good to see Robert happy – and he wasn't the only one in the room who looked happier that night, as she studied Harvey's relaxed demeanour.

"What's on your mind, Jessica?"

"Nothing. You just look better than you did in Chicago. You finally get your act together and talk to Donna?"

He laughed. "Am I that transparent?"

"Yes." Her eyes twinkled with humour and she leaned forward, clinking her glass against his, before a laugh left her mouth.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm just picturing Louis's face when he finds out!"

Harvey shook his head at the irony and smiled. "Yeah, we already took care of that. Actually, I haven't seen him for a while. Maybe we broke him."

Jessica's eyes surveyed the room and she chuckled, sipping her scotch. "It seems not." Harvey followed her gaze, to see Louis and Sheila chatting animatedly to Donna and Mike. If someone had told him a decade ago that he would be running a firm with Louis, he'd have thought they were nuts!

…

As guests started to leave and the party thinned out, Donna found herself at the bar with Jessica, Louis and Harvey; just like old times, she thought.

Jessica smiled. "It feels good, all of us together again." Harvey glanced in Donna's direction. "I'll drink to that." Louis and Donna raised their glasses and the others followed suit. "To family," Jessica toasted and everyone joined in with a smile.

"I was happy to see Sheila today, Louis," Jessica added with a smile, which he returned with a ridiculously happy grin of his own. "All thanks to Rachel and Donna," he added, glancing at his redheaded friend. "We just gave you a little help Louis, that's all."

Louis reached on to the bar to retrieve his bowl of dessert and Harvey raised an eyebrow. "How many of those have you had?!"

Louis gave an embarrassed huff. "One…or two….well, this may be three, but it's good and I can't see good food go to waste." Harvey shook his head in amusement. Louis really was one of a kind.

"I may have over-indulged a little, but it's a celebration. If you want one Harvey, there are still some left."

Harvey shook his head, as he looked at the fancy dessert on to which Louis had poured too much cream. "I'm good Louis…..Not my kind of cream…..," he added with a small smirk, as he sipped his drink.

Donna almost choked at the comment and coughed to cover her reaction, knowing Harvey wasn't fooled one bit.

\- _Oh, two can play this game._

"You okay Donna?" Jessica sensed there was a private joke unfolding in front of her.

Donna recovered quickly. "I'm fine, just tired. I think my Maid of Honour duties have taken their toll. It's been a long day, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head up to bed….." She let her eyes catch Harvey's for the briefest of moments on the word bed and he swallowed. "I'll see everyone at breakfast." Harvey caught her gaze once more as she gave Jessica a hug.

"See you in the morning Donna and by the way, you look fabulous today."

With a smile, Donna moved towards the door, an extra sway to her hips, which Harvey knew was deliberately meant to kill him.

As Donna reached the door, Rachel hurried up to her, a little unsteady on her feet. "Donna!"

Her friend smiled and reached out to steady her. "Steady there, Rach!" She laughed. "Thanks, I think all the champagne has gone to my head!"

Donna smiled. "Well, that's allowed today. I'm turning in." Rachel frowned. " _Alone….?_ " Her question and look of disappointment made Donna chuckle. "We'll see."

Rachel beamed, suddenly quite emotional. "It makes me so happy to see you to _finally_ confront what's been obvious for years."

"Which is what exactly, Rach?"

Rachel gave her a withering look. "That you and Harvey have been in love with each other for years!"

Donna said nothing, simply enveloping her friend in a big hug. "Congratulations again. I'm so happy for you both." Before either of them became too emotional, Donna slipped out of the door and Rachel wandered over to Mike, who was saying farewell to guests starting to leave. He pulled her in to his arms and smiled. "So, Mrs Ross, can we escape yet?" She smiled, kissing him softly. "I think so."

She saw a curious expression appear on her husband's face. "What?" He nodded in the direction of the door and Rachel saw Harvey, champagne bottle in hand, heading for the exit.

"Where's he slinking off to?" Rachel raised an eyebrow at him. "You are so innocent at times Mike." Confused, he looked around the room, noticing a certain redhead was nowhere to be seen. Giving Rachel another slow kiss, her whispered against her ear. "I say we follow their fine example."

…

Donna was just coming out of the bathroom when she heard a familiar knock at the door of her room. She smiled to herself.

\- _Well, that was faster than expected._

She opened the door to find Harvey, bowtie undone, jacket over his shoulder and a smile on his face.

"Can I help you with something, Harvey?"

His smile only grew larger and he leaned casually against the doorframe. "So…it just occurred to me…..we never got to have that talk….." He raised his hand slightly, offering up the bottle in Donna's direction. She smirked, gesturing him inside. "I think I saw two glasses in here."

Crossing the room, she retrieved them from the side. "I was beginning to think you missed your cue….." Harvey walked up behind her. "Had to stop for this." He placed the bottle on the table, his arm brushing against hers, sending a shiver down her spine.

"I was chatting to Mike last night," he murmured, as she poured the drinks.

"And….?" She turned around to face him, a small smile on her lips, as she passed him a glass. He took it and moved to sit on the small couch in front of the window in her room. He glanced softly up at her, as she moved to join him.

"And…..he suggested it was time I stopped being an ass." Donna raised an eyebrow as she sat down next to him. "The kid grew up to be pretty smart."

Harvey smiled and gave a nod, before meeting her gaze, his throat going dry. He looked at the glass in his hand and raised it to Donna tentatively. "To….more…?"

She met his gaze, his rich brown eyes softer, more vulnerable; the Harvey Specter few people ever saw and she smiled, clinking her glass against his, maintaining their eye contact. Harvey swallowed and took a breath. "Donna…since that night…..when you left…..I've…..it's all I've been able to think about…."

She kept her eyes on him; that intense gaze, the one that made the room feel hotter, stifling even. They'd had moments like this before and they'd always ended another way; but not tonight, he thought. Enough was enough.

Before uttering another word, he closed the final gap between them, kissing her gently. It made him feel light-headed and as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, as he felt her hand against his jawline. He smiled against her lips and deepened the kiss, as she murmured softly.

Donna felt the air leave her lungs the moment he kissed her and she closed her eyes, remembering just how good it was to kiss this man, to share this connection with him.

They broke apart reluctantly a few moments later; their bottom lips still grazing each other's; the tips of their noses touching. "Harvey….?" He could hear the uncertainty in her voice. He brought a hand to her cheek, taking in how stunning she was and he realised in that moment that he was tired of being afraid.

"I want more Donna….I'm sorry….I couldn't admit it to myself….to you…."

"I know."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "I don't want to lose you." His voice was quiet, cracking with emotion and Donna rested her forehead against his. "You haven't, Harvey." Her fingers traced the line of his cheekbone, as she tried to keep the emotions from overcoming her.

"I'm not good at this Donna. I never have been, but I want to try….because you're…. _we're_ …different and we always have been, haven't we?"

She felt the tears threatening to fall from her eyes and she nodded and, barely able to speak, whispered a yes against his lips before she kissed him again, her hand moving from his cheek to the back of his neck, drawing him closer; his own hand finding its place at her waist. For a brief moment, she found herself wondering when she'd put her glass down and marvelled at how random a thought it was to have in that moment.

She smiled as the kiss ended and she saw the warmth in his eyes. It may have taken them a long time to get here, but she'd never been more certain of anything in her life. He saw a wry smile pass across her lips and he tilted his head in question. "What is it?"

"You weren't the only one afraid to admit it to yourself, Harvey." He smiled, his eyes taking in every inch of her face and he nodded. "But we're here now."

Donna's face broke in to a broad smile, as her watery eyes caught the low light of the room and seemed to catch fire. "Yes we are," she whispered, as she stood up slowly, her hand reaching out to him.

Harvey was sure he'd never experienced a moment as important as this one and he took her hand as he stood, before drawing her into his arms; letting his hands move down her back gently. "God, you're beautiful, Donna," he breathed against her. She gave a small, embarrassed laugh, the words sounding surreal coming from him after so many years. "You trying to seduce me, Mister?"

The teasing tone warmed his heart, but it was the term of endearment that made him really smile; one that already felt wonderfully familiar. "Maybe. How am I doing so far?"

Her hands ran up the front of his shirt and as she brushed her lips against his, her fingers found the top buttons and began to unbutton them. "Pretty damn well," she murmured. His eyes darkened and he returned the kiss, his hand in her hair. "That's good to know," he whispered, before guiding them backwards towards the bed.

…

Rachel curled in to Mike's side, his arm around her, stroking her back. He smiled at his wife; still somewhat amazed she'd married him. "So, did today live up to all those dreams you had?"

Rachel gave a small giggle and yawned. "It was the perfect day Mike." She leaned up and kissed him softly. "And not just for us…..I hope…."

Mike laughed. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to focus on us."

"I know, I'm just saying….." He kissed the top of her head, as the both started to laugh.

…

Later that night, Donna stretched her bare legs out in bed, as she turned on to her side, her eyes meeting Harvey's in the low light of the room, where he lay next to her. He couldn't keep the smile from his face and it seemed to grow wider with every passing second. Donna couldn't stop the laughter, which was more of a giggle, bubbling out of her.

Harvey's eyebrows rose in amusement. "What? What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head, still laughing. "It's just….this….us….." She gestured between them with her hand. "…Is really happening….?"

Harvey smiled and pulled her closer. "Yes. Donna. It's. Really. Happening," he replied in between kisses. She ran her hand up and down his arm, unable to stop smiling, before she saw his expression become more serious. "What?"

Harvey was silent for a moment, before he kissed her tenderly. "I love you," he whispered, in a tone of voice she'd never heard before and it took her by surprise. She swallowed, choked with emotion, as she ran a hand down his cheek. "I love you too."

As he kissed Donna again, his hand tracing up her side, Harvey wondered if life could get any better than this. All he knew was he absolutely wanted to find out.

…


	10. Chapter 10A

**Hi Darvey fans! After discussion with Mary, my partner in crime for this story, I'm posting this chapter now. This story is going to be a little different and have two alternate endings, titled 10A and 10B. So, this is Chapter 10A. The two of us have had so many discussions over the last few months about how 7B could go and this was one route we thought could have been taken before we knew which cast members were staying and which were leaving. Now we all know that answer for sure, I feel less guilty posting this version, safe in the knowledge it won't happen on screen (and hopefully you all won't get mad at me for it either!). That being said, it is very angsty (although hopefully the end makes up for it). The alternate non-angsty ending, chapter 10B, will be up before the show returns. Read one, read both, I leave that entirely up to you!**

 **As always, if you have time, do review and let me know what you think and thanks for the support of my writing. I may dream of being in a writer's room, but writing for you is the next best thing!**

 **...**

 **Chapter 10 – Version A**

Donna was stirred from sleep by Harvey's touch, as his hand gently stroked a line up and down her back. It was a sensation that both soothed her and set her on fire at the same time and she smiled, slowly opening her eyes.

It was still early morning according to the bedside clock, but it seemed quieter to her somehow, almost unnaturally so; a slight unease she couldn't place settling in her stomach momentarily, until her eyes met Harvey's and she relaxed.

His head was resting on the pillow next to hers and he lay on his side, his eyes staring in to her own, **his** arm protectively across her body, his hand continuing its trail along her spine. "Hey," she murmured.

He smiled, something she'd missed so much in recent weeks. There had been so much anger and pain that she'd almost forgotten what his smile was like and how it made her feel. "Hey," he replied, moving closer, his eyes never leaving hers, until they closed as he kissed her. She moaned quietly against his mouth in response. It amazed her how with just a kiss he could elicit more of a response from her than any man ever had. Her hand moved over the muscles of his back and she smiled at the quiet groan that escaped him.

The ringing of Harvey's phone, causing them to reluctantly break apart, broke the quiet of the room. He took a moment to stare at Donna before leaning back in. "Screw it," he murmured. Donna smiled, but the phone continued to ring and the unease from earlier started to resurface. "Harvey, it could be important."

He raised an eyebrow. "More than this? Unlikely." The phone went silent and he smiled. "See," he murmured smugly, kissing her again, a hand at the back of her neck, his fingers in her hair. She was starting to relax in to his caresses when the phone began to ring again. She touched her hand to his cheek. "They're certainly persistent." She looked towards the floor, trying to pin down the location of the offending object. "Harvey…"

He sighed. "Fine. You win." He turned over in the bed and scrambled around on the floor with his hand, trying to locate his jacket pocket. The ever-continuing ring was even starting to worry him, although he would not admit it to Donna. "It will be Louis. He'll have some off the wall idea that's come to him in a sugar-fuelled dream," he grumbled, already annoyed with his fellow named partner.

Finally locating the phone, he saw the caller ID and frowned as he answered. "Mike…? As close as we are, surely you have better plans this morning. I know I do." He tried to keep it light to counteract against the concern he now felt.

He was met by silence. "Mike…?" Had he dialled him without realising? He sat up in the bed, the frown deepening across his brow.

On hearing Mike's name, Donna sat up, her face filled with questions, as the alarm bell **s** started to ring loudly in her head. _Something's wrong_ , she thought.

"Mike….are you there? _Mike_?!" Harvey's voice raised a little in worry. The noise that followed made him feel as if he'd been punched, a sob, unmistakeable in its agony. He was about to call out again when he heard Mike's voice, quiet and confused and broken.

"She won't wake up…I…I don't know why…I've tried….I…Harvey…." There was another sob and Harvey felt his hand tighten around the phone.

"We're coming Mike. We're leaving right now."

He ended the call and turned to Donna. Her face was paler; having lost the flush that had been there mere moments ago. The fear in her eyes made his heart ache. "Something's happened…I don't know what…Donna…I…I don't know….."

She nodded and got out of bed, moving to the closet to retrieve a pair of jeans and a jumper she'd brought with her. Placing his feet firmly on the floor, he reached for his clothes, as his mind continued to race.

They left the room in silence, pressing the button for the elevator, as the worry continued to mount. As they stepped inside, Donna pressing the button, he took hold of her hand and held it tightly, interlacing their fingers. Neither knew what to say; they both knew something was very very wrong.

…

The door to Mike and Rachel's suite was opening, as they neared it, the hotel manager appearing in view. He saw them and stopped. "Can I help you?"

Harvey stepped ahead of Donna. "Our friends are staying in this room. We got a call. What's going on?"

He saw the older man's face shift to one of sympathy and Harvey felt his stomach tighten. "You better come in…I need to make a call….."

He walked past them down the hallway. "Harvey….?" It was only one word, but it was weighted in fear and vulnerability, so much so, that he almost couldn't meet her eyes.

Instinctively, Harvey entered the suite ahead of her, feeling a strong need to shield her from whatever awaited them inside. Mike was sitting on the couch, ramrod-straight, his eyes open, but staring straight ahead, as if in a trance. They froze. The atmosphere was stifling. "Mike….."

He didn't respond to Harvey, no flicker of any form of reaction and Donna moved forward across the room, sitting down close to her friend, her arm moving around his shoulders. "Mike, what's happened? Where's Rachel….?" She took his hand from his lap, desperate to make a connection with him.

Harvey moved silently through the suite towards the bedroom. He could hear the voices of what he assumed must be EMTs. Their voices were quiet, none of the reactiveness he'd have expected with an emergency. His heart fell through his chest as it caught up with what his brain already knew; there was no longer any emergency for them to help with.

He stood in the doorway and took in the sight before him. He'd lost his father and the pain had been unbearable, but he hadn't seen him. A quiet gasp left his mouth, as he supported his weight against the doorframe.

The EMTs looked up at him sadly, clearly assuming he was family. _I suppose they're right_ , he thought. "The coroner has been called. Someone should be here soon….We're very sorry for your loss."

He nodded dumbly, as they made their way past him. His mind went blank as he stood there. Donna's voice brought him back to the present and he turned away, closing the door before going back to the living room, the term feeling somewhat cruel to him tonight.

The EMTs were making their way out and Donna's confused voice stopped them. "Why are you leaving? I don't understand!"

Harvey gave them a nod that it was fine for them to go, before making his way across the room. His eyes met Donna's and he knew she already knew the truth. She just wasn't ready to accept it. She shook her head, the tears welling in her eyes. "No, Harvey."

He closed his eyes briefly, hating to have to be the one to take away her last shred of hope. Mike's eyes met his. There was no light in them. "She really is dead, isn't she?" It was a whisper, one that broke Harvey's heart. He swallowed and nodded his head, the emotional reality hitting him as his voice cracked. "I'm so sorry Mike."

Mike gave a small nod and then shattered before his eyes. He seemed to crumple in to himself as the shock gave way to devastation and he started to sob. Donna couldn't process the reality before her, her eyes widening in shock, as she fought to catch her breath. She looked from Harvey back to Mike and wrapped her other arm around him, holding him securely as he sobbed; her own tears falling silently down her face.

Harvey stood fixed to the spot, no idea what to do. The two people he loved most were in agony and he didn't know how to help them.

\- _How the hell did this happen?_

One of the EMTs reappeared behind him and he realised this was how he could help, by dealing with the horrid mundaneness of the events. He moved towards the young woman. "What happened?"

"We're not sure Sir. The coroner will be able to provide those answers. It's routine for the police to be called in these circumstances and they'll be here shortly, but there doesn't appear to be any indication of anything suspicious."

"But how could she just die? She was fine a few hours ago."

"We don't know Sir. I'm sorry. Is there anyone else we can call?"

Harvey knew that that was beyond her remit, but he appreciated the kindness. He shook his head. There was one call to be made and he realised he would have to make it. The thought made him sick. Returning to the living space, he sat down gingerly on the glass coffee table in front of Mike and placed a hand on his knee.

"She was fine. She'd mentioned a headache earlier, but she said she was fine. I didn't think…I…I don't understand…." His gaze met his friend's and Harvey squeezed his knee gently. "I don't either. No one does Mike, but this was no one's fault. There's nothing you could have done."

Harvey swallowed and raised the subject he would give anything not to have to mention. "We need to tell her parents. I'm going to go and tell Robert."

Mike closed his eyes. "I should do it…..I….." Harvey stood up and squeezed his shoulder. "Let me do this for you, alright?"

There was no fight in Mike and he simply nodded, before another wave of emotion swallowed him and he clung to Donna. Walking around the back of the couch, Harvey let his hand gently rest briefly on Donna's back. He ached to hold her and comfort her, but it wasn't the time. Mike needed them. "I'll just be a few minutes, okay?"

Donna lifted her head and met his gaze. The sadness in them made his heart crack. She nodded that they would be okay and he made his way to the door, passing the EMTs he thought had left in the entrance, talking to a police officer that had just arrived. He murmured that he'd be back and walked blindly to the elevator. Being Best Man had required him to know where the all the wedding party were staying, so he didn't need to ask anyone which room the Zanes were staying in.

As he reached their floor, he felt dizzy, the shock of what had happened starting to hit him with full force, now that he was out of the heavy atmosphere of the suite. It was a nightmare, yet none of them would be waking up from it.

…

Stopping outside the door of the room of Rachel's parents he felt his stomach tighten. This would be the hardest conversation he'd ever had, but he at least could do it in person. He knocked on the door, the noise sounding louder in the quiet corridor. After a few moments, he knocked again, a little louder and was soon met by a tired looking Robert Zane, as he opened the door to the darkened room. "Harvey, what the hell are you doing waking me at this time?"

He swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. "Robert…I…." The ability to speak seemed to leave him and Robert's face turned from annoyed to afraid. "What's happened to Rachel?" His voice was quieter, fearful, as he stepped in to the corridor.

Harvey closed his eyes, reordering the list of awful life experiences he'd had to put this right at the top. "We're not sure what happened Robert…..but she…..she's passed away. I'm so sorry. So so sorry….."

There was silence, followed only by a sharp choking gasp. He stumbled a little and Harvey reached out to steady him. "Is she….is she still here?"

"Yes. We're waiting for….for the coroner to arrive." The words made Harvey feel sick to his stomach.

Robert nodded, clearly in shock. "I have to tell Laura….Don't let them take her before we get there, Harvey. Please?" The last word was a whisper and Harvey nodded. This was a promise he was going to keep. "I won't." Robert said nothing else, simply walking back in to the room to break the news to his wife. Knowing that this was a private moment, Harvey walked back towards the elevator and on reaching it, took a moment to lean against the wall, closing his eyes.

Deciding he may as well deal with as much as he could at once, he reached for his phone. He couldn't face another in person conversation, so instead dialled Louis's number.

He answered after a few rings; his voice still shrouded in sleep and Harvey calmly and quietly told him the news. Once he'd taken a moment to gather himself, Louis's voice came back to the phone. "How Harvey? How could this happen….?"

"I don't know Louis. There must have been something wrong, that no one knew about, not even Rachel." He heard Louis sniffle and Sheila's voice faintly in the background. "What do you need me to do Harvey? I can come up there."

A room full of people did not seem right for Mike right now. "Donna's here with me and Robert is coming, but could you let Jessica know? I don't think I can say this a third time. I'll call you in a few hours."

"Of course. Tell Mike…tell him I'm so sorry."

Harvey nodded to himself and ended the call, before returning to the suite upstairs, which was now eerily silent, as Mike simply remained still and quiet in Donna's embrace.

He suddenly moved, standing up unsteadily and taking a few steps towards Harvey, who instinctively reached out to help him keep his balance. It seemed as if his world had literally tilted on its axis. "I got you, Mike."

"They're coming to take her, aren't they?" Harvey simply nodded solemnly and his friend moved past him and away in to the bedroom of the suite. Harvey let him go, respecting his privacy.

He looked towards Donna, who had stood up, but was holding on to the side arm of the couch for support. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out, as tears fell down her face. Harvey moved across to her in a single stride, folding her in to his arms, a hand against her back, the other cradling the back of her head, as she started to cry harder against him. "I'm here Donna. I'm here."

He felt her arms wrap around him, fingers digging in to his back. Resting his head against the top of hers, he kissed it gently, feeling his own tears against his cheeks. Holding her in his arms in that moment was the only thing he needed; to know she was safe and well and they were together. "I love you so much," he whispered, as his arms tightened around her. Her reply was muffled against his shoulder, but the words gave him the warmth that he desperately needed in that cold room. "I love you too."

…

Harvey had no idea how long they had been standing there, clinging to each other, when they heard the sound of feet entering the room. Robert Zane appeared and his eyes caught Harvey's. He looked like a shell, the weight of loss evident from his devastated expression and the way his shoulders hunched, as if under a giant weight be could barely withstand. Behind him, Rachel's mother stood, clearly still in shock.

Donna broke from Harvey's embrace, wiping her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say." Robert looked to Harvey, the question clear in his eyes.

"They haven't arrived yet. She's…..she's in the bedroom. Mike is with her."

Robert Zane simply nodded, words deserting him, as he led his wife further in to the suite, towards the other room. Harvey guided Donna to sit down, letting her lean against him. "I know I should go and see her…..to say goodbye…but…I don't think I can…." Her voice was cracking with every word and he held her against him. "Give yourself a few minutes Donna. There's still time."

They were interrupted a few minutes later by the arrival of the coroner's department and the police officer he'd seen talking to the EMTs, whose solemn faces met theirs. Harvey stood up automatically, slipping in to the familiarity of his professionalism. "They are in the bedroom." He gestured to the closed door and moved to knock, still conscious of respecting the privacy of those inside.

Donna stood too and straightened her back, as if trying to regain some composure, before moving past him. "I'll do it, Harvey." He nodded and stepped away, leaving Donna to do what she needed to do. He had no desire to go back in that room again. He may not have been as close to Rachel as Donna or Mike, but the sight had still affected him deeply.

Walking to the side cabinet, he poured himself a glass of water and downed it, his throat desperately dry.

\- _How the hell are we here?_

He couldn't believe that this was how the last few hours had ended. How the hell is this fair, he asked himself, knowing he'd never receive an answer.

…

Jessica opened the door to Harvey a couple of hours later. Her eyes were full of sadness, but her reassuring presence gave him much needed comfort after the hell of events. He stepped in to the suite and hugged her.

"Where's Donna?" Harvey moved past her and sank on to one of the sofas in the suite, closing her eyes for a moment. "She said she needed some [space]."

Louis raised his head, his tear-filled eyes, meeting Harvey's. "Should she be alone right now?" Leaning forward, Harvey rested his elbows on his knees, his hands moving to the back of his neck, as he bowed his head. "She said she needed some time, Louis. I wasn't going to argue with her. Not today. Whatever she needs is all that matters."

Jessica moved forward and took a seat next to Harvey, as Jeff settled cups of coffee on the table in the middle of them. "And Mike?" Just saying his name filled Louis with sorrow.

"He's with the Zane's. He's…..I don't know Louis…..I can't imagine how he's feeling."

Louis gave a small nod of understanding. It was unimaginable. "And Robert?" Harvey's eyes met Jessica's at her question, all too aware of his mentor's close friendship with Robert Zane. "It broke him….when I told him…..Jesus, how the hell has this happened?!"

Jeff leant against the wall, slightly apart from the close-knit group. "The coroner will be able to give those answers, not that that gives much comfort." Harvey nodded in agreement, reaching for the coffee. "You should eat something," Jessica commented.

"Maybe later. I need to clear their room now the police are satisfied there's nothing suspicious."

Louis paled at the comment. "How dare they think Mike could have done this!"

"It's procedure, Louis. They came, they asked some questions, they'll write a report," Harvey replied tiredly.

Louis wiped a tear from his eyes. "I'll help you with the room," he whispered, earning him a small sad smile of thanks from Harvey. "Thank you, Louis."

They drank coffee in near silence before Louis and Harvey moved to leave. Jessica rested a hand on Harvey's shoulder. "I'm going to stay a few days." He simply nodded, grateful that she would be here, yet again, helping keep them all afloat, before following Louis out of the room.

…

Mike was sitting silently in Robert and Laura's living room as Harvey approached, sitting down next to him. He knew all the things he could say, but everything seemed inadequate and so he said nothing, simply placing his hand on Mike's shoulder as he took his seat. According to Robert, Mike had barely uttered a word. After a few minutes, Harvey found his voice.

"I'll get you through this Mike. Whatever you need."

"All I needed was her," he whispered, his voice cracking.

Harvey took a deep breath, swallowing back the ache his words elicited and as Mike bent forward, quietly sobbing, he put his arm around his friend's shoulders, hoping the gesture would provide some solace.

…

Jessica arrived soon afterwards and Harvey decides to leave her and Robert alone. Rachel's mother and Mike were both upstairs and there was nothing else for him to do there today.

He'd headed straight for Donna's apartment, knowing she'd gone home not long after leaving the hotel. She hadn't responded to his last call and he was worried, just needing to know she was okay.

She didn't answer the door, despite his many knocks and gentle calls, causing him to curse not having a key. Maybe she's not here, he thought. With no way of knowing if she was even inside, he decided to go home, hoping she was there. Every moment he was away from her was agonising.

His apartment was dark when he opened the door, but to his relief he spotted her bag on the counter and the low side lamp was on, providing a dim glow to the room, as the daylight ebbed away.

"Donna?"

He moved through the space and as he neared his bedroom, the worry he'd been carrying with him since her apartment eased.

She was sitting on his bed, her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. The blinds were still open, allowing the approaching night to seep in to the room, the twinkling lights across the city beginning to spread like fireflies.

Harvey slipped off his shoes and moved around the bed, climbing on to it next to her. "I didn't know where you were."

Her eyes met his, the depth of grief in them bringing a fresh wave of emotion to his own. How had things changed so much in just a few hours? "I wanted to come and see Mike, but I….I just found myself here."

Harvey nodded and moved closer to her, as she rested against his chest. "How's Mike?" It was a whisper against his shirt and he tightened his hold of her. "As good as he can be." His hand ran through her hair, the reality of her being in his arms giving him much needed comfort.

"Have you eaten? I can make something." He shook his head, breathing in the scent that was uniquely her. "I just want to stay right here."

Donna moved, reaching for the throw rug at the bottom of his bed, fanning it out over them. Harvey's eyes were already starting to close as she settled herself into his arms, exhaustion hitting him full force. His breathing started to even out and just when she thought he was asleep, his low voice broke the silence. "I love you." She bit her lip, overcome by so many emotions at once. "I love you too," she whispered back.

…

The service had been a joyous tribute to Rachel, full of happy memories and beautiful words and yet Mike felt hollow; his body simply a shell; the best part of him having disappeared in the blink of an eye. Only able to withstand so many kind words, he had slipped outside in to the Zane's garden, only to find Harvey had beaten him to it.

He walked across to where his friend was leaning against a low wall by the steps leading down to the lawn. "I was sure I'd be the first person trying to hide out here."

Harvey turned at the sound of his voice and gave him a sad smile. "Mike….I just needed some air."

His younger friend nodded. "I get that," he replied quietly. Guilt washed over Harvey at his insensitivity.

"Mike…..I'm…"

"Don't say you're sorry, Harvey. Please…..I've had more than enough apologies this past couple of weeks to last me a lifetime."

They exchanged a smile, before standing side by side in silence, letting the world pass by, as the distant chatter from the house carried in the wind. "You staying here tonight?"

Mike had been staying with the Zanes, but Harvey knew his friend would be ready for some breathing space. "I think I may just go home," he replied quietly.

"You know you can stay with me. Anytime. As long as you need."

Mike nodded, glancing away; losing himself in his thoughts. "I know, but I think I need to go back. In a strange way I think it may help me feel close to her." His eyes met Harvey's. "I know she's gone,…but….a part of her will be there with me. I think I need that tonight."

He paused for a moment, closing his eyes briefly before speaking again. "Harvey … we were just getting started….There was so much …. so much we wanted to do …. And a brain aneurysm has taken all that away … maybe … maybe if I'd done something differently … noticed even …" Mike was awash with guilt.

Harvey rested a hand on his shoulder. "Mike…..they said there was nothing … _nothing_ anyone could have done, it was ….. just one of those things," Harvey reasoned, knowing it would make no difference to Mike right now.

Harvey still struggled to comprehend the pain his friend was going through. It was incomprehensible to him. How the kid was even able to get up was beyond him and it made him all the more determined to give whatever support he could.

Donna appeared on the terrace behind them and watched them quietly for a few minutes before clearing her throat, causing both men to turn their heads.

"Sorry to interrupt. Robert was looking for you Mike." She smiled, using every ounce of acting ability she had to get her through the day, before slipping back inside the house.

Mike watched Harvey's face as Donna disappeared, his gaze fixed on the retreating figure until she was out of sight. "You know I'm happy for you, right?"

The question surprised Harvey and he looked uneasy for a few moments before finding his voice. "I know. Thanks Mike…I…" He swallowed, never very good at expressing such intimate emotions. Mike rested a hand on his shoulder. "She's be bouncing up and down with excitement if she were here. I swear, part of her was more excited about you finally getting your shit together that day than marrying me." His eyes watered at the memories; still so unbearably recent.

Harvey sighed. "I wish there was something I could say Mike."

With a nod, Mike put his hands in his pockets. "I think I'm going to go away for a while."

Harvey turned to him, a frown of concern on his face. "Mike…." Before he could continue, his friend cut him off with a wave of his hand. "I'm not going to do something stupid, Harvey. I think I just need some time to try and process….this. Maybe go somewhere and do some good for people who need it." He smiled at a memory flashing through his mind. "I know she'd always wanted to do something worthwhile."

Harvey nodded. That sounded like Rachel. The thought of Mike leaving worried him, but also selfishly made him sad. "Don't leave without saying goodbye."

Mike agreed and turned to go back inside, before a thought occurred to him and he turned back to Harvey. "Cherish every second you have with her Harvey."

His friend swallowed, his own emotions threatening to get the better of him. "I will," he murmured, before, an arm on his shoulder, he walked back with Mike in to the house.

…

 **Epilogue**

Harvey awoke to something prodding his upper arm, over and over again. Taking a few moments to open his eyes, he couldn't stop the smile that formed on his face at the sight that greeted him.

Standing by the bed in her pyjamas, staring intently at him, as he lay on his side, was his little girl; her small fingers continuing to prod him.

"I'm up, baby," he whispered, taking in her face and the eyes that were so like her mother's.

"It's party day Daddy, so can I have pancakes?" The pout that formed made him smile. It was the same as his father and his brother and, as Donna regularly pointed out, him.

Breakfast pancakes were reserved for special occasions and he knew this was one of them and it seemed Abigail did too.

Glancing behind him, he saw Donna was still asleep and he smiled. He loved watching her sleep, but duty called. Doing his best not to wake her, he slipped out of bed, lifting his five year old in to his arms. "Come on, let's let Mommy sleep for a little while."

…

He made his way downstairs in to the kitchen, depositing his daughter on the counter, while he moved to the fridge for eggs and milk. "Are you excited about today? Do you remember what we are celebrating?"

She nodded eagerly. "The New Year! And I can stay up past bedtime!"

Harvey knew she loved it when the house was full of friends and family. She was much more of a social butterfly than he'd ever been; definitely taking after her mother. "And you're going to help set the table, right?"

"And decorate it!"

Harvey smiled, as he whisked the batter mixture in a bowl. "Right! How about after breakfast you show me the place settings you started yesterday? Mommy said they are your best yet." To help her learn how to write, it had become tradition for each place setting at any family event to include a personalised name card created by little Abigail. Harvey had a growing collection of them in his office. "Yes Daddy!"

He felt his heart swell with the love he felt for this incredible little person. She was already growing up so quickly.

The pancakes were piling up on the plates when Donna appeared in the kitchen, taking a moment to stand in the doorway watching as her little girl chattered away to her father as he cooked. She still sometimes wondered if it was all just a dream.

"Something smells good," she murmured, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. Harvey smiled at the feel of her body against his. Moving the pan off the stove, he turned around; his own hands moving to her waist. "Only the best for you," he murmured, kissing her softly.

Abigail started to giggle at the sight, causing Donna to break their kiss and move to face her at the counter. "Something funny?" Her question was followed by tickling her little girl until she wriggled in her arms. "Stop it, Mommy!"

Donna smiled and picked her up, sitting her down properly at the kitchen table, before helping Harvey carry the food across. She raised an eyebrow at the sight of the can of whipped cream. He shrugged. "I apologise for nothing."

…

A few hours later, Abigail ran excitedly to the door at the sound of the doorbell, making Dona laugh, as Harvey followed. Opening it, he smiled on seeing his friend. Abigail beamed up from her place beside her father, "Uncle Mike!"

He smiled and crouched down to her level. "Hey there kiddo. Happy New Year's Eve." She giggled as he ruffled her hair affectionately, before standing up again and giving Harvey a hug. "It's good to see you Mike."

His friend smiled. "You too." Harvey glanced to the door. "It's great you could make it Claire." She smiled nervously. "Thank you for inviting me."

Harvey took their coats, as Abigail ran back to find her mother, who was busy opening a bottle of wine. "Uncle Mike is here!" Donna put down the bottle and wandered through to the living room, greeting her friend with a warm hug.

"Hey Donna. You look great." She waved off the compliment with her hand, before offering them a drink.

"What's that?"

Abigail's inquisitive voice caught their attention and Mike laughed. "You don't miss anything, do you? Just like your mom!"

He opened the gift bag in his hand and pulled out a small parcel in sparkly wrapping paper and held it out to Abigail. Her eyes lit up as she reached out for it.

"What do you say sweetie?" Donna prompted.

"Thank you," she whispered, as she took the parcel from him and sat down on the floor to open it. Harvey smiled at the gesture, as he passed Mike and Claire some champagne. "Well now you really will be her favourite. Christmas and New Year gifts," he stated jokingly. "Louis will not be happy."

The four of them sat down and talked, as Abigail played with her new toy, until the other guests started to arrive, including Harvey's family and Donna's parents and as they all sat down to eat, Harvey took a moment to marvel at the number of special people he had in his life. They toasted to family, friends and loved ones no longer with them and he momentarily felt bad for Claire. He liked her and she was good for Mike; he'd smiled more in the few months since they'd met again and started tentatively seeing one another again, but he knew it couldn't be easy for her.

As he helped Donna and Harvey clear the plates in to the kitchen after dinner, Mike cleared his throat. "So, I have some news." Donna raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"I'm going to move back to New York."

"For good?" Harvey's voice couldn't hide his pleasure and it warmed Donna's heart. They'd both missed Mike since he'd moved away.

"For now. If I'm going to try and make things last with Claire, I need to be here. She deserves it…" Donna sensed the conflict in him and she put her hand on his shoulder. "She'd want you to be happy Mike and so do we."

He nodded, his eyes glistening. "I know," he murmured. "I want to be."

…

As the evening grew ever closer to midnight, Harvey gestured for Mike to follow him in to the back garden. His friend was already in the loop on this part of the celebrations and followed him without question.

"What are you two up to?" Donna questioned, as they disappeared, receiving silence as a reply. She looked to Claire and laughed. "Should we be worried?"

Ten minutes later, Mike reappeared. "Okay folks. We need everyone outside."

Abigail lifted her head off Donna's chest, where she'd been napping on her lap. "Why?" Mike put on his most mysterious voice. "It's a surprise Abi." She seemed to consider his answer. "Where's Daddy?"

Mike smiled. Getting to spend more time with his god daughter was another perk of moving back to the city. "He's with the surprise. Come on, where's your coat?"

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she slipped off Donna's lap and showed him where the coats were. He helped her put hers on, before Donna added her little woolly hat and picked her up.

Once everyone had gathered outside on the terrace and the New Year arrived, the fireworks began, filling the sky above the garden with explosions of all colours, causing Abigail to giggle excitedly. Harvey left Mike to set off the rest and joined Donna and their daughter, whose eyes were now wide awake with delight. "So that's what you were up to earlier," Donna said with a smile.

Harvey smiled and looked to Abigail. "What do you think Abi?" She gave him a huge Specter smile. "It's pretty Daddy!" Seeing her delight made it all worthwhile for Harvey and he put his arm around Donna, keeping them both close.

As the final set of rockets took off, Mike rejoined the group, taking Claire's hand in his, causing her to catch his gaze and smile, a smile he returned. He'd been so unsure, wanting a sign that it was finally time to move forward and now, watching the fireworks, surrounded by his closest friends and with Claire's hand clasped in his, he finally knew that Rachel was smiling too, telling him to be happy.

…

 _Okay, so that's the first ending. Chapter 10B will have the non-angsty version following the wedding in chapter 9. Now, I know this is pretty sad, but as soon as it was clear Rachel would be leaving this season, I couldn't shake the idea of an angsty departure. However, this would only really have worked on screen had PJA been staying on, so you could have watched him wrestle with such tragedy and find his way through it, while his friends also had to deal with the loss. With both characters leaving, there's no point making their end a sad one, so I feel less guilty posting this! Anyway, I'd love to know what you think! :)_


	11. Chapter 10B

**Happy Darvey Week everyone! My plan was to complete this story before 7B and I'm right on time! This is the alternate ending following chapter 9 for those who didn't want to read the more angst-filled 10A ending (although I would say the epilogue section of that is happy, so you could skip ahead to that section of it!). Thanks to all those who have read along and especially those who have taken the time to review. It means a great deal to hear what you think. Thanks must also go to Mary, who has been my partner-in-crime for this story, swapping ideas, dialogue and encouragement as I write! It's been a lot of fun! Now it's time to see if we get any of 7B's content right!**

 **...**

 **Chapter 10 – Version B**

Harvey smiled as he opened his eyes and was greeted with Donna's bare back, her hair falling down it and across his pillow. Inching slowly closer to her, he dropped a kiss on her shoulder, as his arm moved to her waist.

She shifted in the bed, her sleepy voice pretending to be more annoyed than she was. "I thought we agreed you'd stop waking me up Harvey."

He chuckled, dropping another kiss on to her shoulder, before making his way up her neck with his kisses. "I couldn't help myself," he murmured. Donna turned over on to her back, her eyebrow arching in pretend annoyance.

"Anyway, I'm working with limited time, so I take what I can get," he stated in a matter of fact tone.

"Meaning?" she queried with a smile, as her hands moved along his sides, before running up his back and over his shoulder blades.

"Meaning…we have about two minutes," he responded after checking the clock. She laughed, before meeting his kiss, allowing herself to relax in to his caresses.

Right on cue, the sound of the bedroom door pushing further open and the padding of feet on the floor interrupted their moment. "Sometimes I hate being right," he murmured dryly.

"It's Thanksgiving!"

Donna broke in to a smile at the excited voice moving closer to Harvey's side of the bed. With a final quick kiss, he turned over, coming face to face with the source of their early morning interruption.

The sight of his daughter's smile made it impossible for Harvey to be irritated and instead he lifted her up and sat her on the bed between them. "You know baby, when you're much older and don't want to get up, I'm going to remind you about mornings like this one!"

Their five year old daughter giggled, not really sure what he meant. "So, what's so special about today?" The little girl huffed dramatically, causing Donna to smirk, rather proud of her daughter's theatrical side at such a young age. "It's Thanksgiving! It's a special day, Daddy!"

He smiled broadly, as she bounced a little on the bed between them, as he reached for his T-shirt. "And what do special days mean?"

"Pancakes!"

Donna laughed at the interaction. "You heard the boss," she responded. Harvey shook his head in amusement, before slipping out of bed and picking up their daughter. "Come on then Abi. You can help me."

With that, he carried her out of the bedroom, her head resting on his shoulder. She gave Donna a happy little wave before they disappeared from her view, causing the red head to smile. They had a pretty special kid, she thought proudly, relaxing back in bed.

…

From her position on the kitchen counter, Abigail watched Harvey whisk up the pancake batter.

"Is Grandma coming today, Daddy?"

Harvey paused at his work and looked across at her. "Yeah, baby, she's coming." The reality of his mother in his life still sometimes surprised him, even all these years on, but he was so pleased she knew her granddaughter.

"Are you going to help me decorate the table later?"

She nodded proudly, a serious look on her face and Harvey smiled. "How about after breakfast we go out and you can find the perfect leaves?" Every Specter event wasn't complete without nameplates created by Abigail, but Thanksgiving required something a little different – every name was written on an autumnal leaf and set atop each plate.

"Yes!" Harvey poured batter in to the frying pan for the first pancake and his daughter clapped her hands happily.

Donna appeared in the doorway in a robe, her hair pulled in to a messy bun and she smiled at the adorable sight before her - her two favourite people. She kissed her daughter's head as she passed her, her arms encircling Harvey's waist from behind him. "Smells good," she murmured, dropping a kiss behind his ear. He smiled at the contact, turning his head to the side for a quick kiss. Abigail giggled on seeing her parents kissing, earning her tickles from Donna, only causing her to giggle more.

"How many leaves do I need, Mommy?" Donna leaned against the counter next to her, counting the people in her head. "14, but maybe pick some more, so we have extras?"

Abigail seemed happy with the answer and chattered away until breakfast was ready about what coloured pens she wanted to use and where she would find the best leaves. Donna raised an eyebrow at Harvey on seeing the can of whipped cream on the table. He met her eyes with a smile. "I apologise for nothing."

…

Once breakfast had been eaten and plates cleared away, they ventured outside in to the garden and helped their daughter pick her leaves. She bounded around their garden, inspecting he autumnal fallen leaves very seriously, causing her parents to smile to one another.

"We have a pretty special kid," Harvey murmured, his arms around Donna's waist. She smiled, moving her hands atop his. "We really do, but then I expected nothing less!"

He chuckled. "Good point. We are awesome."

"It will be lovely to have everyone together. Well, nearly everyone," she commented. Donna's mother was away and Jessica had been unable to leave Chicago due to work pressures, but it would still be a full house at the Specters that day.

"It will," he agreed, before adding in a whisper, "but all I really need is the two of you."

…

Harvey answered the door a little later to the first guests, with Abigail, dressed up in her new red dress, by his side. He smiled warmly on seeing his friends, welcoming Mike and Rachel inside.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Abigail announced excitedly. They both smiled, Mike crouching down to her. "You too Abi. That's a very pretty dress."

She beamed. Uncle Mike was one of her favourite people. "Mommy let me pick it," she informed him proudly. Rachel smiled, before glancing down to the slightly shy figure at her feet. "Aren't you going to say hello James?"

The little boy shyly glanced at Abi. "Hi Abi," he replied quietly. She smiled and looked to Harvey. "Daddy, can we go and play outside?" After permission had been given, subject to warm coats, Abi led her playmate away.

Mike shook his head in amusement. "A whole new generation of a Specter bossing around a Ross!"

Harvey smirked. "It's genetic."

Rachel laughed at them. "You never know, given them 15 years and they could be more than friends!"

Both Mike and Harvey paled, which only made Rachel laugh harder. Donna appeared in the hallway and frowned on seeing their pale expressions. "What did I miss?"

Rachel linked her am through hers and guided her away. "Not much. Just a possible glimpse in to the future!"

…

As the house filled with friends, family and the smells of good food, Harvey smiled to himself. He never imagined he'd have this ort of life.

"Can I help with anything, Harvey?" He glanced to his mother and nodded. "Sure Mom, you can help me carry all this food through. I hope everyone's hungry!"

She smiled and followed him through to the kitchen where Rachel and Donna were laughing over Louis's latest antics. Between the four of them, the vast amount of food was soon on the dining room table. Harvey caught his mother's eyes. "Everything alright, Mom?"

"Fine, Harvey. I'm just so happy I'm here with you." He gave her a shy small smile. "Me too, Mom."

"Food time!" Abigail declared excitedly from the children's end of the table. Marcus laughed. "With enthusiasm like that, maybe Abi will want to come and help me in the restaurant one day, unlike some people." He raised his eyes at his own kids, who were frighteningly older to Harvey now, as they both rolled their eyes.

"Enjoy this phase while it lasts, Harvey; where she thinks you're the coolest person in the room."

Harvey looked down the table to his little girl and made a note to cherish every moment. Donna rested her hand on his. "We've got a while to go yet before the eye rolling phase. Stop worrying!"

…

Following toasts to family and friends and more food than would ever be needed, Donna found herself standing by the patio doors with Rachel, watching their children running around the garden, chased by Mike' as big a kid as either of them! Rachel laughed at the sight. "He's ridiculous."

"But you love him anyway," Donna replied warmly, to which her friend simply gave her a knowing smile.

"I admit Donna, it someone had told me we'd be standing right here, all these years on, I'm not sure I'd have believed them!"

Donna chuckled. "It was certainly a roller coaster, but here we are."

Harvey appeared, a gentle hand at her waist, as he moved past her to go outside. "Can't let Mike have all the fun?" Donna teased him. He raised an eyebrow. "Never!"

She exchanged an amused look with Rachel, as they watched the antics in the garden, as Harvey sneaked up on his daughter, lifting her up in to the air to her delight. "Come on, I think we've earned a glass of wine."

Rachel shared a small, conspiratorial smile with her friend. "I would…..but I can't…" Donna's eyes widened in surprise before hugging her tightly. "That's fantastic news, Rach!"

"Thanks. We're excited. We just need to decide how to explain it all to James."

Donna smiled. Their little boy was quite shy, but he was always thinking and would want to understand exactly what was happening. "He'll be fine. Plus Abi will be excited to have a new playmate!"

"You didn't think of having another one?" Rachel asked curiously.

Donna leaned against the doorframe watching her family of two running around outside and smiled. "We could have I suppose, but we're happy with everything we have."

…

"Uncle Louis, why do you like cats so much?"

Abigail was sitting on Louis's lap in the living room, her new cuddly toy kitten that he'd bought her in her hands. He pondered the question for a few moments.

"Because they are majestic creatures with more intelligence than most people."

Abigail giggled. "But not more intelligent than you, or Mommy and Daddy?"

Louis smiled. "Well, definitely not more intelligent than me, or your Mommy!" He tickled her affectionately and she giggled more. Louis laughed. He loved spending time with her. As happy with Sheila as he was, part of him would always wonder about whether he'd have made a good father. He'd therefore made it his mission to be a great uncle. He'd already arranged his Christmas surprise for her next month - a trip to The Nutcracker. He couldn't wait to take her and Donna and Harvey were quite sure that he would be more excited than Abigail, having seen his reaction when they gave their permission.

Donna and Rachel joined those already in the living room and Abi held up the kitten to her mother. "Mommy, can we get a real one?" Louis beamed at his influence, only for his face to fall when Abi added that a puppy would be good too. He clearly still had much to teach her.

Donna sighed. "We'll see. I think Daddy will need a lot of convincing." Her daughter nodded thoughtfully; biting her bottom lip in concentration and Donna suspected a plan was taking shape in her mind. She was their child after all.

Harvey appeared in the room with Mike and noticed the amused look on Donna's face. "What did I miss?"

She laughed. "Nothing." He frowned suspiciously, sensing that she wasn't telling him the whole truth, especially seeing the mischievous looks on Abi and Louis's faces.

Abigail stared at the adults around her from her place on Louis's lap. "Daddy, how did you meet Uncle Louis?"

Harvey smirked, deciding how much fun he could have with his answer, but on seeing Louis's expression, maturity prevailed. "We were working at the same firm."

"And now it's your firm?" She looked from one to the other and Louis smiled. "Yes, yes it is," he said proudly. Abigail slipped off his lap and held her hands out to Harvey. She was getting a bit big for this, but he could dent her nothing, picking her up' her arms moving around his neck. "And where did you meet Uncle Mike?"

Harvey exchanged a look with his friend, who cleared his throat awkwardly, images of drugs scattered across the floor of the hotel meeting room crossing both of their minds. Harvey grinned. "Well baby, that's a really fun story…!"

Donna raised an eyebrow at him and he chuckled. Mike smiled at them both, silent agreement that the story would clearly need some tweaking for their kids, at least for now. "I came to work for the firm," Mike interjected.

"Actually, he came to work for me," Harvey corrected him, earning him an eye roll from Mike. Abigail giggled. She loved how funny they were.

"I'm glad you did Uncle Mike," she stated simply, the trademark Specter smile on her little face. Mike matched her smile with his own, as he exchanged smiles with his wife and their closest friends. "Me too, Abi. Me too."

THE END

…

 _That brings to an end You Can Never Go Back! I admit, I found finishing this alternate ending difficult, knowing it will never happen on screen now, but hopefully you liked it! Thanks very much for reading!_


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